piglet
My little piglet is growing like a weed. She's already almost 12 pounds. Wow.

In case you were wondering
You know how all the old cartoons have someone step on a rake, and it comes back and smacks them in the face and everyone laughs - hahaha that's so stupid it's funny?

It really hurts.

You know, just in case you were wondering.

I'm not very nice
I had to tell Ally "No" for the twentieth time the other day, and she instantly teared up and told me I hurt her feelings. She also informed me that i don't tell her no, she tells me no. This prompted me to explain how things work around our house. Meaning the parents are the only ones to make the rules. This was her response.

"(sniffle, sniffle) It's not very nice for you to tell me No. I tell you No. We're not very nice to each other. (sniffle, sniffle)"

1 month
My god, I can't believe a month has gone by already. It seems like a dream almost. Surreal or something. Most of my days pass in a mix of feeding, diapering, bouncing, swaying, shushing, and "Please God, let her go to sleep"-ing, with a little mix of "Wow, she's so precious" thrown in when she's awake and not yelling.

I think her digestive issues (she's screams most of the times she's getting ready to poop. Can't tie it down to something in my diet. Who knows why? Plus, we think she has a tiny bit of reflux. We have to hold her upright a while after she eats.) are settling down. She's spending more time awake and quiet, looking around at things. Mostly the light in the living room. She even "talks" to the baby doll that's in her playpen/bassinet/changing table/etc upstairs.

**Warning: Next paragraph contains some information which you might not agree with. That's okay with me. **

Of course, it helps that I let her sleep on her belly sometimes. yeah, yeah, back to sleep, blah, blah. I can't actually believe all those studies. There is no way to make a control group or to keep the conditions similar enough for it to be a conclusive experiment. Besides, she has excellent head control, and I check her often. She gasps and spits up too much on her back. Listening to her, I am afraid she's going to choke herself.

Wait, she's sleeping. Why am I not in bed? c-ya all later

One step closer to slave labor
Last night I was feeding Anya. Ally was all over me, and I was trying to distract her. There were piles of laundry on the floor waiting to be washed. (For some reason, the washer and dryer at our house are behind closet doors in the kitchen. I hate it. It means there is always laundry in the kitchen/living room - open floor plan - which means I see laundry constantly) Anyway, we started talking about the laundry because she loves to help. I hadn't realized how much she loves to help, though. I told her their was laundry in the washer and dryer, so we couldn't wash any until we got the dry clothes out of the dryer. I'd help her as soon as finished feeding Anya. She went to the doors, opened the closet doors, opened the dryer, and started pulling clothes out. I told her to put them on the couch so I could fold them later.

Wow, I thought, that could be useful.

Then she decided to push a chair over to the washer and open the lid. At this point I tried to dissuade her. I really didn't want to have to run across the room and pull her when she fell into it, you know? She told me there were wet clothes in there, and they needed to get dry. She pulled them out and put them in the dryer. It took her about 10 trips on and off the chair to do it, and she couldn't reach a couple, but she did it.

Maybe I can teach her to scrub the toliets next...

Nicole
Remember when I said her name was going to be Anastasia Corinne?
Ha ha. fooled you. We alwys liked Nicole best, but didn't want to take the chance that she might be called Ana Nicole (as in Smith. stupid stupid woman). At the last minute (ie the Monday night before our Tuesday appointment) Rob and I finally decided that it didn't matter. No one Anya's age will know who the hell Anna Nicole is anyway, and she really isn't that well known anymore anyway.

And of course 2 days later - 2 DAYS - she was back in the news. All over the place, what with the judge's ruling on her husband's money. Crap. Oh well. I still like the name.

pediatrician
I just looked at my recent entries and realized that I'm woefully behind. I've had all these things that I wanted to write down, but just can't find the time. It saddens me.

I do think I should at least make note of the fact that Anya is growing by leaps and bounds, just like Ally did. (There I go comparing again. How do I stop that?) She weighed 9lb 3 oz at her 2 weeks checkup last week (which I completely forgot about until the office called me and asked why I hadn't showed up, and then they had to squeeze me in later) That's almost a whole pound. The Doc only expects the kids to regain their birth weight by then. I can't remember, but I think she lost 9oz or so in the hospital? Anyway, the checkup was right on target.

Did I mention that I got a new pediatrician? I had been complaining about mine. I didn't really like him much. He never seemed to remember us personally, and just wasn't really personable, Although he seemed to be a fine doctor. Really, I just didn't like him much. I was bitching about it to Rob. There is another doc at the office that we saw last year when Ally had her UTI, and I liked him a lot better. I told Rob that I wish we could just have him as Anya's ped. but what with them being in the same office and all, it would be too uncomfortable to switch. So we thought we were stuck with him. About 2 weeks before Anya was born, though we got a letter saying the old guy was quitting. He got cancer or something. So now we get to switch Drs without any of the awkwardness. Just a little guilt for being glad the guy quit. Hey, I didn't ask for him to get cancer: God works in mysterious ways. (Haha. that was a funny)

potty training
I just realized that it's bee FOREVER since I talked about my kids bathroom (or at least what should take place in the bathroom. Here, it kinda happens everywhere) habits. I must rectify that (heh, heh, I said rectify).

Anya hates to be in a dirty diaper. HATES.

Ally doesn't care. She doesn't really want to pee in the potty unless she's in the mood for candy (our reward). Then she's interested. She was running around bare-butt the other day, and she asked for a diaper. Since I just hadn't gotten around to putting one on her yet, I got one out and diapered her. She prompty peed and pooped in it. Now, that to me is just too far. If she knows that much, she is old enough to be figuring out that she needs to use the potty instead. So we've started taking her diaper and pants off her when we get home from day care. She won't let more than a drop or two out without pants on, and will even sit on the potty chair we have in the living room when she's about to go. It seems to be working. She hasn't made any big puddles on the floor at least.

Last night though, she was playing on the floor. All of a sudden, she got this wild look in her eye, and ran toward the potty. A big turd fell on the way. Hey, she tried. That's more than what we've been getting otherwise.

in other non-baby news
Rob has a job interview Monday. At the place I work. For the job I started at. in the same division I started in. Weird. But handy. I made sure that the division manager (who likes me a lot. I was a very hard worker before I started this new job where they never give me anything to do) knows he's my husband. he shoudl get hired in at just a tad more than he's making now, bt he'll have retirement, and regular hours and weekends off, and we can carpool and stuff. He better get the job. I am already planning on it. Yippee.

Of course, then when he gets the job, we're going to be scrambling for day care. We can't get into Ally's daycare until the end of August. Since he works every 3rd day, we figured that through the summer he can stay home the other days with Anya. Ally's going to day care. She loves it there. And we're paying for it anyway, so why not? Then on the days tha the and I work, my mom will help out until I get home. It's only 15 days that he works weekdays between the time I go back to work and end of August. it would be great if he gets hired to start Sept 1st. Cross your fingers for us, cause I highly doubt it's going to work out that way.

worst mother ever*
This new baby screams WAY too much. I love her. Honestly I do. Sometimes I look at her and I think about all the wonderful things that life has in store for her and how I can't wait to see who she'll become. Most of the time though, I look at her and I can't think anything. She's crying too loud. If I manage a coherent thought it's probably something along the lines of "Oh my God, please shut up! Why the hell are you crying this time? I can't listen to this anymore!"

I think part of the reason I can't deal with it is that I'm tired from having to split my time and make sure Ally doesn't feel neglected (which I'm sure she does occasionally anyway). and part is that I've gotten used to being able to understand what is causing the screaming. Ally screams, and I tell her I don't understand screaming voices, so she had better use words in a quiet, inside voice** and (better than half the time) she does.

Anya was screaming the other day and Rob tried to calm her down. Nothing worked and so he came back downstairs without her. I looked at him questioningly and he said "I'm done with the baby" He left her in the playpen upstairs because he couldn't listen anymore. And she stopped crying on her own for a little while.

I'm sure that something I'm eating has been bothering her, because she's had gas pretty bad a couple times. I think it might be dairy of some sort. Ally had trouble when I drank milk. But, I don't know to what extent. Cheese on cheeseburgers doesn't seem to do it, but possibly cream cheese in little rolled up spiral thingys does? But most of her problem is that she is very hard to burp sometimes. Especially at night. She can fall asleep eating, and I can't get her to wake up and burp for anything especially since I'm tired. Half the time I fall asleep trying. Then 1 hour and 30 minutes later, she wakes up screaming. The only way to calm her is to feed her, and I have to calm her instead ofletting her work it out, because I can't spend the night calming Ally down when she gets woken up.

Today was actually a decent day. It seems like all the crying fits were related to food. But. She wasn't on a 2.5 - 3 hour schedule like she usualy sticks to. I couldn't predict when she'd be hungry, so I couldn't get anything done. I was even very late picking Ally up from daycare. It was luckily a beautiful day and the kids were outside playing, so she didn't seem to mind.

Anyone notice the time? 11:30 pm. I should be in bed. I can't go to sleep just yet though. I'm enjoying actually having some quiet time. I have never had that problem. At least I don't have to go to work yet

*not that I believe that or anything. It's just really hard to convince myself that "this too shall pass"

**funny story about that. Ally was getting in trouble the other day and Rob was talking to her in a stern voice. She interupted to tell him to use his quiet inside voice. It was very hard to keep from laughing at that. Rob did very well though.

The evil empire
On the way home from day care today:

Ally: I want a banana.
Me: We don't have any bananas.
A: They have bananas at Walmart!
M: That's right Ally.
A: We need to buy them!

ebay
Holy crap! Last year, I bought Ally some butt-ugly shoes that she absolutely could not live without. They're the Payless ShoeSource knock-off of Crocs. Called Airwalk. She loved them!!!! i actually like them a lot too, because they're plastic and can be washed easily and don't get sand stuck in the sole like tennis shoes. For those of you with kids not yet old enough for sandboxes, beware! sand in the shoes and ground into the socks leads to sand EVERYWHERE. She's outgrowing them, so I looked around for more. They only have goofy Hello Kitty ones and tie-dyed red and white with blue stlyes now though. I wanted pink, purple, or light blue, since that's what color most of her clothes are or even whote. Nobody has them. Internet searches turned up diddly squat. I found a pair of pink ones on ebay, and bid on them. I just got an email saying that they sold for $42.00!!! They are $12.99 in the store. Outrageous

So anyway, if any of you reading happen to see Airwalk plastic clogs (Compel II) on sale somewhere in other colors, let me know. Now I'm going to sleep

absence makes the heart grow fonder?
OK, I've been busy. Do you all know how hard it is to actually sit down at the computer and type while I'm not at work? For one thing, the computer is in our (tiny) bedroom. without a tv. so I can't do it while I'm sitting around doind nothing. If I'm not sitting around doing nothing, I'm doing something. The house needs cleaned and stuff. The baby needs fed and changed and her closet organized. The toddler needs her room cleaned. etc. (She is also currently yelling because she's pretty gassy. hold on a minute. ok I'm back. with Anya, of course. that's always how it works)

but, I feel bad about not posting. Mainly because I started this blog as a way to help me remember all those little things that pass so quickly. not the cracked nipples, and screaming nights - those I remember. But the tiniest little non-important moments that are SO important. Like saying "Is the baby asleep?" to Rob and hearing Ally pipe up and say "I'm right here, Mom" And seeing Anya look around already - she has so much neck control. And telling you all about how Anya's ears were all folded and ruffly, but are already starting to look normal. And what I said to Rob when I first heard Anya cry ("She sounds like a duck" oddly enough, he says I said the same about Ally. I don't remember it. I was realy out of it that first time. What I remember most clearly is smacking myelf in the face, because I couldn't move my arms very well. too much anesthesia.)

Or how different the 2 girls seem to be already. Ally was very awakw and aware when she was born. She looked around for hours it seems. Anya went right to sleep. I don't know if it was the different times of day they were born, or the different circumstances, or different personalities? Probably all of the above. Anya is much nosier. She cries more often. She actually cares when her diaper needs changed. Ally never did (still doesn't) She squeaks and grunts all the time. She will NOT nurse unless it is her idea. I could stick a boob anywhere near Ally's mouth and she'd get all Pavlov's dog-y. Anya closes her mouth and turns away. But if it's her idea, and I'm not right there - she yells.

Besides all that, they're very similar. They look a lot alike. Anya has a little more of Rob in her eyes and forehead, but has the same nose and cheeks and chin as Ally (which is to say, she looks a lot like me too). They have the same hairline, but Anya has a little more hair to start with. Anya does the same baby things that all babies - just like Ally - do.

And I find myself thinking in almost constant comparisons between them. Is that fair? I don't really know how to stop myself. With Ally, I had no point of reference - no possible way to compare. I had my whole attention focused on her. I'm trying not to do that to Anya, but I think it's inevitable.

Oh well. She's asleep, so I'm giong to go take a nap too. She didn't sleep so well last night.

sisters
I wondered how long it would take. Ally has been doing wonderfully with the new changes around here. The first week while I was at the hospital, she had some issues playing nicely with her friends. She also had some issues with following directions - in that she thought commands were optional. I think part of that was the fact that she'2 2 years old though. She's bound to be testing boundries. We're mostly settled down now. (At least until my MIL leaves)

But, last night I finally heard what I've been waiting for. Ally told us she didn't want a baby sister and she needed to go home. When I told Ally that this was Anya's home, she told me that Anya needed to go to someone else's house. Of course, Ally had a big day yesterday (we went to the zoo) and didn't have a nap (not that we didn't try), so maybe she was just grumpy. I'm sure it won't be the last time we hear Ally wish she didn't have a sister, though. I still think it occasionally about mine. THat's just sisters.

ok, 'fess up
I know it was you. It'll go easier if you just tell me the truth yourself...

No?

Ok, well, I lied. Mom used to use that line when I was a kid to try to wrangle out confessions when she didn't know anything. I guess you all are just too smart for me. I have no idea who's doing it, but if it was you, I'd like you to please stop. I don't enjoy this. In fact, it's kind of mean. You're going to make me cry.

Still not talking, Huh? (Hey, if I can't bluff you into a confession, whys houldn't I try guilt? I'm better at guilt anyway)

Ok, but if any of you see anyone else, I'm expecting you to tattle your ass off. That's it; click right there on that inviting little comments link and let me know who is sneaking into my house at night and applying more tape to my body. I came home from the hospital with the sticky gunk everywhere, and I swear I have removed all of it 8 times, but everyday I find some more. I am positive that it wasn't there yesterday, so it must be one of you making more. It's not funny. I want to be sticky free. Knock it off. Thanks

weight
The doctor's office weighed me at 164 on The 24th. 9 days later, I weigh 142. I think I'm doing pretty well, don't you. Oh, I want to be able to wear my old clothes again!!!

picture album
I made a new picture album. It's got the pictures we took 5 days before Anya came to us. Ally is almost a big sister.

We took Anya to get her pictures taken on Tuesday (1 week old). I'll get them back in about a week. In the meantime, I haven't gotten many downloaded - they're almost all still on my camera, but I put a few in the candid shots album (at the end).

last night
was 1000% better than Friday. Ally slept though the night, only waking up once. Rob dealt with that - she had kicked her covers off and was cold. Anya slept every minute that she wasn't eating (or pooping) which was every 3 hours almost exactly. Except for the last one this morning when she went 4 hours and 15 minutes between feedings. Everyone slept in until 8 or so, and most importantly, I got to sleep to. I was able to get comfortable last night finally.

Wow.

28 things about having a baby that I had forgotten
1. How little a newborn is
2. How their little hands are out of control.
3. How funny it is to see a newborn startle for no reason
4. How you never get to see their feet under the blankets or sleepers
5. How much they hate getting a bath
6. How much they LOVE laying under the warmer
7. How sweet they smell
8. How bad they can smell
9. How hard it is to move after a c-section
10. How much I love my husband
11. How much I hate the hospital
12. How much I love that they'll change and bathe the baby and only bring her back to me if she's hungry in the middle of the night.
13. How much newborns look like like little trolls
14. How sleep deprivation actually feels.
15. How fat my feet get after having an IV run for a couple days
16. How much you sweat after birth
17. How pictures never seem to show how beautiful everything looked at the moment you took the picture
18. How funny a newborn sounds when she cries
19. How excited a newborn is to see a boob
20. How their little hands reach out for nothing and ball up into fists besides their mouths when they eat
21. How many expressions a newborn makes
22. How much fun it is to watch them poop (Is that just me? It cracks me up)
23. How soft their hair is
24. How hard they can suck
25. How sore your nipples are the first week or so of breastfeeding
26. How good a shower feels when you're not sure when you're going to have time for another one
27. How fast you can go from "I am so happy" to "Everyone - get the fuck away from me"
28. How fast the all-encompassing love for this little life that you created can overwhelm you.

later
Later I'll get into all that happy shit (and there's a lot of it. It's been a good week). For now, I'm tired. But, I can't sleep. It's 4:00 am. My 4 day old and my 2 1/2 year old are upstairs watching TV with my MIL. They're been tag-teaming us. I should be using this short opportunity (I can't ever spell this word for some reason. I always have to run spell-check on it. There's something preventing it from being saved in my brain.) I have where they are both not crying to sleep, but can't get comfortable in my non-adjustable bed, and can't manage to close my eyes anyway. So, me and my Haagen-Dazs have come here instead.

So, I felt guilty when I got home, because I really haven't been able to spend much time with Ally this week. I played with Ally while holding Anya, and things went well. Then, Ally didn't want to eat her supper. Not unusual. (BTW Rob's at work. This is his first day back. He won't be home until tomorrow morning.) Grandma bargains with her to try to get her to eat. It works a little. (This is great as a one-time strategy, but as a long-term plan - not-so-much. She's going to be here a few weeks to help out.) Grandpa shows up. He's been at work today, and just came up to see his wife and us for the weekend. I feed Anya. Ally plays with Grandpa - dinner forgotten. I go downstairs to feed Anya in the rocking chair instead. Ally asks to watch Dora. She's been asking this all night. Everytime, I've said "After supper" Darra figures that she's not going to eat supper, so she puts a Dora on. All Ally ate was a piece of bread with peanut butter and jelly. Darra came down to check on me. I told her that Ally could watch Dora IF she ate some more dinner. Darra tells me she already started it. Ally's not going to eat. Who's in charge here? Seems like Ally. I went upstairs and made her eat. It was in front of the TV, but she did finally have some supper. I had to turn Dora off and leave it off until Ally decided to eat. Then, I let her watch as long as she continued to eat.

Darra gave Ally a bath. Then, Ally starts to fight bedtime. Darra just isn't me. Ally thinks she can negotiate with her. I got her ready for bed instead. Ally's bedtime has been eroding this week. Anya starts to get fussy. Darra says she can deal with her and I take Ally to bed. She gets cough syrup and 3 bedtime stories. She tries to convince me to read 4. As I get to the end of 3, Darra can't hold Anya over anymore, and brings her to me, so I tell Ally that I read 3, but Grandma will read her 1 more and then it's time for bed. I go feed Anya. i feel guilty, and go check on Ally. Darra has left her and she's on er way to sleep. I go in to tell her goodnight, and rub her back while still feeding Anya (did I mention I'm breast-feeding?) She goes to sleep. Yay. Anya is asleep. Yay. I go upstairs to take a pain pill, and tell everyone I'm going to sleep. HA!

I lay Anya down in her bassinet. I can't get comfortable. Every way I lay hurts. (did I mention I had a c-section?) Plus, my back hurts from trying not to stand up straight and stretch out my stomach muscles cause - ouch. I get settled good enough, and Anya starts fussing. I bring her in bed with me and try to use a boob to sooth her even though she just ate. She won't settle down and go to bed. finally give up on trying to get comfy in bed, and go up to the couch. Darra is still up. She offers to take Anya so I can go back to sleep. It seems Anya has a upset stomach. She's pooping a lot. very gassy. I lay down again and after 20 minutes or so, get somewhat settled. Ally wakes up. 3 times in a row, I go to her. Then she starts coughing. I bring her to bed with me. She lays down for a while, then starts coughing and gagging. Her throat hurts so much she can't lay down without coughing. We go upstairs. Anya is asleep. Ally is not. I put on a movie for Ally to watch. After a while, Anya wakes up hungry. I feed her. She doesn't want to go back to sleep. that's where we are now. I'm tired. I don't even think I have the strength to examine what's going on here. I was going to say something meaningful about being a mom, or something about asking for help from people and being able to accept it or about how no one ever does things the same as you, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. I just don't have the energy. And, my Haagen-Dzs is melting. I'll talk to you later