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I have started a 30-day free trial at http://ktjrdn.typepad.com I'm trying it out to see if I like it over there. Tripod has some issues that I'm not thrilled with, but have been living with for lack of a better option(read: I'm lazy). We'll see how it works out. I may be switching, so go over there and read stuff for a while so I can see what happens. Pretty please?

Something that has been bothering me

I have a friend. I've spoken about him before in a roundabout way. We've been friends forever. At least since mid-high school. We had a weird sort of relationship where we never really talked about us having a relationship and so we just kind of pretended it didn't exist. And sometimes it didn't. Sometimes, we were just friends. Sometimes we were more than firends. We used to be "drinking buddies" that's about as close as we ever got to defining our relationship. We hung out. When I moved to Norfolk, Virginia we talked on the phone occasionally. It was one of those friendships that sometimes fades into the background, but the next time you talk, you just pick right back up where you left off.

When Rob and I broke up and moved back to Illinois, Todd and I resumed our non-relationship for a while. Then my landlord got weird and I rented Todd's spare room for a while. I don't really remember what happened, but the relationship went back into off mode. Nothing bad, just a cycle like usual. I got my job with the state and moved closer to work. Todd and I stayed friendly. And sometimes more than that. That's the way we were.

I've known for a very long time that I wanted to spend my life with Rob. There were times that it didn't look like it was going to work out. Todd was there. He was always a great friend to me. We never really talked about it, but I loved him. I think he felt the same. But, of course, I don't know it, because he never talked about things like that. He NEVER talked about his feelings. I had thought about what life would be like with him and if things had gone that way, I would've have a good life. But I wanted to be with Rob. So when that happened I was overjoyed. Todd acted as if he was fine with it. he joked and laughed with us when we saw each other and was even a groomsman. For the first year or so, we'd run into each other and things were fine. After having Ally, I didn't go to as many places where we'd see each other. He quit calling and wasn't very talkative when I called him - which wasn't very often either. I was busy. I'm horrible at staying in touch with people.

But about a year ago(or maybe even two), my mom sent me an email. It had been forwarded to her from her pastor at her church. Some girl that used to work in the nursery or something had sent it to him annoucing her engagement - to Todd. I had to hear about one of (what I considered) my best friend's weddings from my mother. I knew he had been dating someone and it was pretty serious, so I wasn't all that shocked about the engagement. Good for him. I hope he's happy. Truly. But to not even share the news? It hurt. a lot. So I called hima nd we talked for a while. He had said he'd been meaning to call, but hadn't gotten around to it blah blah blah. The usual. It was a short conversation. And I haven't heard from him since. Nothing.

We share a friend. I mentioned something about the wedding and not even being invited to it one time to him. He didn't want to talk about it. I got the impression that whether or not I got invited was a source of contention between Todd and his wife or something. Why would it be? By this time I had 2 kids and had been married for 4 years. Why would anyone be like that?  But, mostly, I put that thought away, because I have never met her and have no business trying to figure out what she would or wouldn't do or why. I'm not even sure whehter there was an argument over it. I just have a vague impression of it from my conversation with our mutual friend.

The thing that really bothers me is Todd. I thought we were friends. I was obviously wrong. If Rob tried to stop me from inviting one of my friends to our wedding, um, well, it wouldn't happen. I wouldn't marry someone like that. Rob respects me and trusts me and wouldn't have a problem with it. So even if it was an "issue" (Erin, you've made me self-conscious about using quotes now LOL) my friends would get invited to my wedding. That's not something that I would consider a compromise on. So the only conclusion I can draw from this is that he must not have valued our friendship as much as I did. That hurts. Still.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, except that I still think about it ocasionally. He hasn't called and I have no intention of calling him. The fact is that our lives don't really intersect all that much anymore. Even if this hadn't happened, it might have turned out that way. But with this between us, I don't see us being friends anymore. If we ever do run into each other, it'll be awkward and our conversation will be stilted, I'm sure. That thought makes me sad.  Am I over-reacting? Is this just something that happens to people as they get older?

Money
I'm thinking about adding advertisements to the site. I'm researching right now, but I'm not sure what it's going to end up being like. See, I think the way I can get money when someone clicks the ads, but I'm not sure of the details. We'll see. Would anyone think I was selling out if I put ads on? Would you care? Anyway... We'll see. I'm still in the research stage at the moment.

I learned 3 things yesterday

1. I'm a Kleenex
   For quite a while now, I have noticed that Anya always manages to blow/wipe her nose on me. She comes running up like she's excited to see me, and then rubs her snot all over. For a while I thought it was just a coincidence, but last night, all doubt was removed. I was sitting on a chair on the patio letting her play. She turned around and I looked her way. She had her tongue out trying to lick all the snot off her upper lip. She doesn't quite have the giraffe tongue like Ally, so she ran my way instead. She grabbed my knee with both hands and rubbed her nose on it. vigorously. When she was done she ran away to play some more.


2. You can pop a blood vessel on your eardrum if your head is full of snot and you blow your nose too hard. Who knew?


3. Vicodin helps with the pain. yay for drugs

 

Ktjrdn and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I woke up in the morning to the sound of Anya yelling. She had woken up and wanted to be fed. It was 5:20 which is the time I was supposed to get in the shower. She wouldn't go back to sleep. I could tell then that is was going to be a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Rob took her upstairs so I could take a shower. I stripped down and stepped on the scale. I hate scales.  I think I'll stop eating.

Anya and I woke Ally up and got ready to leave. Anya wouldn't lie still for a diaper change. Ally tried to help and almost dropped her toy on Anya's head. I started off the morning yelling at the kids. It would definitely be a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Maybe I should send them to Austrailia.

I spent the whole day blowing my nose and coughing so hard my lungs hurt. I had a doctor's appointment at 1:30. it's a pain in the ass to get across town, so I left early. Even if I got there too early, I could work on my crocheting. I sat in the wating room for 30 minutes crocheting. Then I sat in the dr office for 15 more. just before the dr actually finally decided to see me, I realized I had made a mistake in the crocheted name and had to rip out 6 rows.

The dr gave me a prescription for antibiotic for my bronchitits and Nasonex nasal spray. He told me to keep taking the Claritin like I have been. Uh? It hasn't been working, obviously. I asked him to refer me to an allergist. My doctor is an idiot. Maybe I should send him to Austrailia.

When we picked the kids up, I found Anya already whining. Their lunch sucked, so she was hungry. My head hurt. This was the last thing I needed. If Anya didn't eat lunch, odds are very good Ally had less. Great. Can I go to sleep yet?

Had to pick up our prescriptions at Walgreens. Rob parked the truck. I told him I had already dropped them off, so they'd be ready - we could use the drive thru. My Nasonex rang up at $110. What?! why? the lady was an idiot. She didn't know. gave a couple reasons before finally figuring out that he wrote it for 3 months at a time and they filled all three. Still. It cost too much. While I was trying to process it all Rob was trying to talk to me and complain about how it would've been simpler to go in than to try to do this through the drive-thru. Thanks, hon. Your bitching is making it even easier. Not. Finally had them not fill it and called the dr to have him write something less expensive. Argued with husband all the way home about how I "made him" drive thru. Uh, I made a suggestion. He was free to say no if he had a better idea.

Maybe I'll send him to Australia.

It's dance night. Crap. Rob asked me if it were possible to leave Ally for class and go back to pick her up. He didn't want to listen to Anya cry all night. Me either, dear. but Ally's not old enough for that yet, and she's certainly not well-behaved wnough. So Rob decided to take Anya shopping instead to shut her up. shopping for fishing stuff. Great. Just what we need. Another $45.61 worth of fishing crap. Stop spending money already!! Anya screamed the whole time. Serves him right. He never remembers that he's doing something specifically to keep her occupied. If it's not working, quit and do something else. He went shopping so she wouldn't be bored at home. It obviously wan't working, but now he was committed to shopping. That wasn't the original point of the excursion. So Rob was in a crappy mood. It was almost the end of a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Thank God.

I had to put Ally in time-out twice during dance. It could have been more but my head hurt too much. I wanted to go to bed.

I met him at the dealership to drop off the truck, whose alarm system has been screwing up. On the way over, my contacts decided they don't like me and tried to make me crash. Ow. My eyes hurt. "Ally, stop talking for 5 seconds please" Why can the kid not shut her mouth? When I got there, Rob wasn't there. He went to the wrong dealership. He called me and asked where I was. I explained and he argued with me a bit then figured I was right, but did he tell me that? no. Bastard. He can join everyone else in Australia.

Ally wouldn't shut up. She had to go straight to bed with a spanking. Anya went to bed too. I sat on the couch and tried to make my brain stop. Oh sweet blessed sleep. Thank god the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day was over.

So what did I do first thing this morning? Slammed my thumb in the car door. Fuck. This better not be another one.

What the hell was I thinking?

Last week, Rob told me his section was having a treat day. They do this often. Too often actually. I think the only reason they come to work is so that they can eat*. but I digress... So, no big deal. I usually bring breakfast. If I don't, the only thing available for breakfast is donuts, which gets old after a while. Last time I brought biscuits and gravy. It was yummy. There are only about 20 people in his section, so it wasn't that big of a deal to make a bigger batch. They were asking me to do it again. So I said yes.

And then.

The treat day became a division-wide affair. Someone is being deployed, so we're throwing a party for him. Rob's unit has breakfast, another has snacks, another has lunch, etc. We went from 20 people to 120. And I agreed to still make b+g. So I'm now committed to make roughly 16 quarts - enough to fill my roaster. Why? I don't know. Other people are giving us money, so it's probably not going to cost us anything, but still. What was I thinking?

 *Yes, I alwasy eat with them too. (Hello, Pot! My name is Kettle.)

Confucius say

 

 

 

 

Check out my fortune. Ha. I find this very humerous. I'm not very good at putting things like this into words, but I'll take a stab at it.

I find it amusing that some people assume that money/success and principles are mutally exclusive.

I find it amusing that most people would read the fortune as a compliment.

I find it amusing that I don't take it that way.

And actually, I realize while trying to articulate it, it's really the final thing that is the amusing part. Most of the time the first 2 just piss me off.

1 year photos
Anya's 1 year pictures are up. I know I've been heavy on the pictures lately, but I've got a massive head cold (and bronchitits?) and actual work to at work. Will be back stronger soon.

not to jinx anything
but I just wanted to share that Anya has slept 10.5 hours straight for the last 4 nights. She has lain done to go sleep without crying. The first 2, she fussed for a minute or two around 4:30 am, but required no intervention from me before going back to sleep. I'm re-energized.

new scrapbook page
(click picture to view designer credits)

The difference is not only 26 years

My mom had a picture of me that was ruined. It had gotten stuck to the photo album page and part of the top layer was ripped. Luckily it was on the background rather than my face. i told her I'd scan it in and see if I could fix it. I don't think I did a bad job at all. Looking at that picture, I was able to see the amazing similarity between Ally and me. I've seen it before, and when you compare it to her 3 year old pictures (which is the age of mine) there is no doubt that she's my child.

But.

She's not me. Her lips are different. Her face is a little bit rounder. Her hair is lighter and thinner. Her eyes are a lighter shade of blue. She is a person separate from me. She has her own thoughts and feelings. Her own life. She's becoming less reliant on me every day (She even wiped her own butt yesterday). She's not my baby anymore. So, looking at these pictures has made me stop and remember that this time we have together is fleeting. She won't always need me so much. She won't always be begging me to sit down and read her a story. I need to take advantage of it while I can. I want to laugh and play with her and make wonderful memories. With both my kids. So last night, we went outside and went puddle-stomping. I highly recommend it. 

top-left = after PaintShop
top-right = before PaintShop
bottom = Ally's 3 year pictures

Come on down!

You're the next contestant on "What's wrong with that toy?"

Once again, I find myself wondering WTF? while comtemplating the kids toys. The culprit this time is that Little People chicken. Do you see what's wrong with it? (besides the lighting in the picture making it look blue)

Rock and Roll

anya discovered Ally's Rock and Roll Elmo last night. We were cleaning out Ally's stuffed toy bin. Ally was doing a great job "picking out toys to give to some kids who don't have many" and keeping the ones she really liked. We got a pretty good pile going.

And then we ran into the Elmos. The Chicken Dance Elmo, The E-L-M-O Elmo, The Shout! Elmo, The Alphabet Elmo, The Tickle-Me Elmo (that is actually mine from long ago), and of course the Rock and Roll Elmo. I think he is the loudest. So of course he's the one we listened to over and over.

the first time Ally pushed the button Anya immediately started bobbing her kness dancing. She shook her butt. She waved her hands around. She twisted her hips. She really liked the music. So now, it seems I'm doomed to live through another Elmo era. Not that the Elmo part of it is so bad. He a cute little monster. But the toys are so dang loud.

Go check out youTube to see the cuteness of the dancing for yourself. (oh, and I just put gobs of pictures form April out on Flickr today.)

Bits and peices - Part discontinued

I'm so far behind, I don't even know what I've talked about and what I haven't. So, here's the short story of the last - oh whenever

1. Anya's still sleeping better. We had some rough nights, but last night was wonderful. Of cuorse, she was run ragged yesterday, but we'll see.

2. We went fishing last Sunday. Ally even caught a fish. Sadly, I was chasing Anya and didn't get to see the fish, but I was told it was a magnificint one. Giant at the size of about 4 inches. She refused to touch it. But she had a blast.

3. Tuesday was pajama day at day care. I set 3 or 4 sets of summer weight pjs out to let Ally pick from, and She got distracted and wouldn't pick, so I grabbed a pair and started putting the top on her. As soon as she realized what I was doing, she started yelling. "I don't WANT to wear pajamas! i wnt to wear real clothes"I told her that all her friends would be wearing them and it was silly, but she couldn't be swayed. She told me she didn't want to be like all her friends. Who can argue with that?

4. I'm thirsty.

5. I got my first crocheted name framed. Check it out. (That link dones't work at the mmoent, because I haven't uploaded the picture, but it will work soon. What are you doing reading this so fast? I think it looks great. Rick did a good job framing it and he did it within a day of me sticking it in the mail. Wow.

6. We did nothing for most of the weekend. We sent the kids outside to play and slathered them up with sunblock (Do you call it sunblock or sunscreen? just curious) Ally came back with sand stuck to her everywhere. So I threw her in the bathtub and hosed her off before dinner after which she went back outside for more playing. Rob and I read a lot this weekend. It seems like when we get started reading, it takes over for a while. When we run out of books, it's over and we go back to normal life.

7. Sunday we went to my grandma's (Yes, grandpa too, but really it's her house. It's his pond) house. We stoped at my mom's and picked up Naomi and Marisa (my nieces) to go with us. We went back to grandpa's pond and fishe3d a little, but the gnats were out in full force, and we didn't stay for long. Marisa, Grandma, Ally, Anya, and I all headed back while Rob and naomi toughed it out a little while longer. Ally got a bite, but she was too busy finding rocks to throw to notice. I was chasing Anya. She really wanted to jump in the pond and was also very interested in the rocks. tasty. And Rob was helping with the other girls' worms. So, we caught nothing. But we got some fresh air and sunshine. And had a nice walk with grandma. I'll upload gobs of pictures today. (It's the last day of the month and I haven't met the limit for April yet, so might as well try it today, huh?)

8. Today is the last week of my class. I have 1 more program to write and 1 test to take. Which is good. I'm really slacking off. I'm not all that interested in Cobol. This is my second semester of it. yuck. I'm ready to be done. I might even take the summer off. I'm tired of classes again.

9. I'm pretty sure we're going to pull Anya out of the day care soon. Her teacher is wanting to stay home after she has her baby, so she might watch her for us. It would be cheaper and Rob could quit Memorial if we sent Ally too. But we're still undecided about that. if Ally could get into pre-school we'd do it definitely, but I think Ally needs the interaction of learning with more kids around.

10. I don't really have anything else to say, but can't leave this list at only 9.

Sneaky like a fox

Ally told me the other day that Maggie was acting like a fox. um, ok? what? Apparently, she was swiping things. Swiper is a fox, therefore, all foxes swipe things. The logic of a 3 year old...

Ally is quite sneaky herself. the other day, she wanted to bring her dog upstairs with her, but she wanted to hold my hand, so she asked me to carry it. Later when it was time to clean up I told her she needed to take it downstairs. Her reply? "But Mommy, I didn't bring it up. You did. You need to take it down."

"His name is Robert Paulsen"

Ally's friends at day care have long called me "Ally's mom." As in "Hey, Ally's Mom! Look at my new shoes" I've learned to respond to it.

Ally's stufffed puppy* just called me "Ally's mom" He was tattling on Anya for climbing on him.

This is getting ridiculus. :)

 

 

*Oddly, he sounds just like Ally.

The Interview Thing

Amy W sent me some interview questions. I'm supposed to answer her questions, and then invite anyone to play. If you want to join in (with all the cool kids :) Just -

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” If I don’t have your email address, leave it for me in the comments.

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

So, here are my questions (And yes, I know that they are out of order. I thought it much better to leave on the book question that the death one. I depressed myself with that one) 

1.  Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have
two sons instead of two daughters?

I can't even imagine it. When I first got pregnant, I thought it would be neat to have a boy, but didn't really expect one. All the girls in my family end up having girls, and I think we're biologically set up that way. I know, I know. They all say that's up the the guy's biology, but I don't think so. The guy determines if there are any little y's there. I think my family's bodies kill those little y's (if present) before they have a chance. I have no scientific evidence of this, but regardless, I'm convinced. Therefore, the only time I've really thought about having boys was theoretically. And I can't wrap my mind around it. I don't know what I'd do with one. I'm sure I'd figure it out, but haven't had to yet (and most likely won't)

2.  What is your earliest childhood memory?

I've mentioned before that I don't have a good memory. Most of the things I try to remember, are really hazy. I'm left with general impressions. I know these were before my mom and dad split up which was the year I turned five, but that's as much as I can pin it down. Some other memories, I don't really have a time frame for.

I remember

• The police lights flashing in the driveway when they brought my brother home after someone backed into him on his bike while leaving their driveway. He was fine. I saw them through the basement window.
• There was a place that sold flavored popcorn nearby the office where my parents worked. (I don't really care for it that much now, though)
• A bunch of plastic hanging in the office building where maybe they were doing some construction? It was like a maze.
• Our neighbor's little grandson(?) sleeping on a lounge chair outside with his pacifier in his mouth even though he was too old to have one.
• Rolling down the hill in the back of our house with our neighbors.
• My sister standing on the bed with her friend (and neighbor) Amanda singing into a microphone "Maneater"
• Hockey games in Peoria. We had seasno tickets and would go watch The Rivermen play.

4.  If there is one thing you could change about your
husband, what would it be?

I'd love to be able to say "Nothing, He's perfect" but it's just not true. He does lots of things that most women complain their husbands don't. He cleans, does laundry, cooks and all that stuff. But he doesn't communicate well. He thinks you should only have to talk to convey information. I wish he had the capacity to listen without action. To say "I know" and then shut up and listen some more.

5.  If there is someone you could bring back from the
dead, who would it be and why?

I am lucky in that there aren't a lot of people close to me that I've lost. Most of my family is still living, and I'm so thankful for that. Also, I'm pretty self-centered and hate history, so historical figures are out. Honestly, the first person to pop into mind was Tim. We weren't really that close. We were just friends. But we had a connection. His death made a huge impact on me. Possibly because it was so pointless. He didn't have to be out that night. He didn't have to feel so alone. growing up sucks, but if you can just get past that, it can get better. And it would have for him. If only he had that chance.

3.  What is your favorite book you read to your kids?

Sandra Boynton's Birthday Monsters.

"You're not awake.
It's 6 o'clock.
You hear a ring.
You hear KNOCK, KNOCK.
You hear the door come crashing down.
The Birthday Monsters are in town.

They rush you down before you're ready
and use your breakfast as confetti.

OH LOOK! They shout.
It's 6:08!
You're present opening can't wait!

They've brought the gifts that they like best.
You get the wrap.
They keep the rest.

And now they say,
It's HIDE-AND-SEEK
you go hide and we won't peek.

You find a hiding place that's great.
And wait and wait and wait and wait.

You realize twenty minutes later,
they're raiding the refrigerator.

It's time for cake, the monsters shout.
hurry blow your candles out.

You close your eyes and make a wish
And blow upon an empty dish.

And now GOOD-BYE
it's been a thrill.
And out they go.
The house is still.

They took your gifts,
They ate your cake.
They made the mess that monsters make.
there's nothing more that could go wrong.

And then KNOCK, KNOCK
And then DING DONG.

One last surprise is here for you -
The BIRTHDAY MONSTER cleaning crew.

They fix they sweep,
They scrub the floor.

(something missing??)

And on the kitchen shelf you find
The birthday things they've left behind"

Maybe I don't actually read it anymore, though. I love this book mostly because it's one of the first ones Ally read to me. Plus, it's was just the cutest frickin thing in the world to hear her say "raiding the refrigerator"

Birthday Girl

Happy Birthday Anya! Today you're 1 year old. At this time last year, you were laying under the warming light, only 3 hours old. You had crinkled up little ears that have since straightened out. I knew they were going to, and I made sure to take pictures. I loved those little crinkly ears. Everyone says that baby pictures all start to look the same as the years pass, but I can definitely tell the difference between your hospital pictures and Ally's. I see the same expressions on your face now. (especially the ear picture and this one) You look so much like your dad. I don't know yet whether that will be an asset or not. ;)

You've had quite a year, and I'm so happy to have shared it with you. I'm looking forward to many more.

Love you babe!

Little Bits Part 2

Uncle Rick and Aunt Cara arrived on time around 1:30 (Thanks, guys). You may not know how remarkable that is, but they are my family - not Rob's. My family NEVER arrives on time. Example: My mom* arrived around 2:30 as did my grandma. The party started at 1:30. Rob's family was there on time.

 A good time was had by all. Anya loved her cake icing. (Yum, Walmart cake is delicious) We let her dig in and she made a large satisfying mess. She even managed to get her foot on top of the table into her plate a couple times. (I was such a mean mom. I didn't even give Ally cake for her first birthday. Anyway...) We got her all cleaned upand changed clothes. She ran around visiting everyone. We just left the door to the back deck open and she ran in and out and laughed the whole time.

She was running around with her little bitty blanket and chewing on it. Rick asked her for it and she ran over with her arm outstretched to give it to him until the last minute when she whirled around and ran away laughing her head off. He "chased" her and she ran into Grandma's arms for safety. 30 seconds later, when he asked about her blanket again, she started the game over. They were cracking us all up. She had a giant smile on her face.

We opened presents and I am happy to report that the general level of junk in our house didn't go up very much. She got some toys, but mostly clothes and some money for her piggy bank. The toys she did get, she was thrilled with. Rob's dad got her a ball (and other things) She loves balls above everything! Darra got a Little Poeple castle that she sat and played with for quite a while. She doesn't usually sit that long. We got a little learning thingy from rick and Cara. Plus, lots of clothes. I got her a couple of soft cars, because I've seen her driving things at day care. Ally never really did that, so we didn't have any to hand down to Anya.

Ally played outside for the greater portion of the day. Most of the time, she and her cousins were all in the massive sandbox playing together. They ran around with balls and bubbles just like kids should in the springtime. She came in and helped with the present opening and didnt' et very possessive. She called Anya "birthday girl" and loved on her. She did good.

Anya's afternoon nap was greatly delayed, and she finally fell asleep around 5:30 or so. I was worried about her sleep, but she didn't sleep too long and was still tired for bedtime. All in all, it was a great day.

Sunday couldn't get better, but it sure wasn't worse...

 

*to be fair, she did tell me that she wouldn't be there way ahead of time.