It's a sickness...

We all know I'm a little picky about the way I fold my towels. So you shouldn't be surprised to find that I have other, um, issues. Last week I read a "weird things about me - food edition" meme. As I was trying to think of weird things about my food habits, one really stuck out. I have certain rules for eating things like M&M's and Reese's Pieces, you know, little candies you eat by the handful that are different colors. I tried to define the 'rules' for myself and found they are a lot more complicated than I had ever thought. And a little subjective. Let's see how you measure up (I'll demonstrate using Reese's because there are less colors, therefore less rules)...

Given:

Do you...
A. Grab some and throw them in your mouth?
B. Sort them into color piles?
C. Eat one of each color in a pattern (ie, orange, yellow, brown, orange, yellow...etc)?
D. Throw away the brown ones, because everyone knows that brown foods are dirty?

 

 

 

 

 

Now that you have (B.) sorted them into color piles, which one(s) do you eat?
A. All of the orange ones.
B. All of the brown ones.
C. All of the yellow ones.
D. Two at a time making sure to keep the color ratios evenly balanced.
E. Crap, there's two odd numbers. Obviously those odd ones must be eaten together, even if they aren't the same color.
F. In any order, making sure not to put more than one color into your mouth at any given time.
G. Three at a time. One of each color.
H. Whatever is required to make sure you have the same number of each color

 

 

My god, until I started writing this, I didn't really realize how, um, crazy I am. While each of the choices A-H could be a valid answer, it all depends on the handful you have chosen to start with. In this case, the correct answer is H:

Followed by D.

 

Of course.

Here's another one, just for fun.
Given:
Do you...
A. Grab some and throw them in your mouth?
B. Sort them into color piles?
C. Eat one of each color in a pattern (ie, orange, yellow, brown, orange, yellow...etc)?
D. Eat all of the yellow ones?
E. Eat all of the orange ones?
F. Eat all of the brown ones?

 

 

 

This one's trickier. See how there are just way two many orange? and very few yellow? It would take a while to get the ratio down to an acceptable level, so you must (D.) eat all the yellow ones first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then B

Now what?
A. Eat all of the orange ones.
B. Eat all of the brown ones.
C. Eat two at a time eating orange first until the colors have about the same number.
D. Eat two at a time. One of each color.
E. There's more than twice as many orange as brown. Eat some orange until it's exactly twice as many, then take turns with the 3 piles.

 

Yeah, it's a sickness. Anyway. E is the answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So what completely illogical things do you do? Do you make up "rules" for things? Am I OCD? I don't think so, because it's different everytime. I just have to go with my gut feeling on how asthetically pleasing the arrangement is.

Oh, and if you answered D to the first question? You're definitely crazier than me

ABC's of Life, the Universe and Everything

Jenny over at mamadrama challenged me to a meme. Well, she didn't challenge me exactly, but buried down deep in her comments section, there was a small mention that other people could maybe do it if they wanted... Anyway, I thought it looked fun, so here it is. The ABC's of Life, the Universe and Everything. 

A is for Ally. ...and Anya, of course

B is for Bedtime, which has been much worse.
C is for conversations from the back of our cars
D is for dancing and the uneven bars

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

E is for ear infections, may we never see another!
F is for new foods for Ally to discover.
G is the Great Toddler Bamboozle, which worked very well.
H is for Halloween costumes. Finding a green monster is hell.
I is for important questions. Tell me, please. I must know!
J is for Julia the ringleader of this show.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You all know me by Katie, but it's my middle name.
L is for lessons on folding towels. You should do it the same.
Mouse-ka-Tools are handy for flying over a cloud
Never underestimate your children, and they'll make you proud.
O is a letter and also a word.
P is for photos. The quantity? Absurd!
Q is the Quiet, for which I have yearned
R is for blowing Raspberries, which Anya has learned.
S is for sleep. How much does a person need?
T is for talking. So much that I'm afraid my ears will bleed.
U is for the underwear found discarded on the floor.
V is for videos. I'm about to post more.
W is for wake-up time, when Ally asks for candy
X is for x-hausted. A pillow at work comes in handy.
Y is for youTube. How did we ever live without?
Z is for ze cake, was there ever a doubt?

stop talking for just 1 minute!
Ally got in trouble the other night for talking. She kept asking Roba nd I the same quesiton, over and over and over again. Anya was cyelling and Ally was takling, and I was trying to put all our crap away and clear the table, while Rob made supper. Ally knows she's upposed to stay out of the kitchen while we're making supper. Finally, I got tired of telling her the same"I answered you once Ally, so stop asking again. It's not polite", so I sat her down on the couch in timeout. I told her that she could get down as soon as she was quiet for a minute. She litterally Could. Not. do it. I was watching the clock. After 6 minutes, I told her that she had to go sit on her bed. i wanted to let her up, but couldn't back down without her shutting her mouth for a little bit. I don't even think she knows sometimes that she's atalking out loud. She drives me crazy sometimes.

This kid will eat anything!

Muffins...

Summer Sausage... 

Ham...

Spaghetti...

Pizza...

Waffles...

even Socks.

last night
I heard a yell, after which she calmed herself down and went back to sleep. Later, she stood up and yelled a bit and I went in to lay her down and turn on the mobile ONCE. That is less than 5 minutes of sleep disturbance! I'm ecstatic! Yippee

cluck, cluck

Someone should fool around with genetics and make an 8-legged Chicken. That's by far my favorite part, but I always feel guilty eating them, because everyone likes them. So I get stuck eating a nothing piece like a wing instead. If we had 8-legged chcikens, I could eat to my heart's desire...

fashion
Ok, so if grey speckly socks don't look good with a grey shirt and black pants and shoes, when would you ever want to wear them? Why buy them? And why does my husband own 3 pair?

hooray for random thoughts!

What exactly should I make of the fact that Ally has been without panties when I wake her up in the morning a couple of times lately?

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Last night:

• Ally ate 3 bites each of a soft taco and a hard one. Also an entire mini-taco. I'm loving this trying foods thing!
• Ally went right into dance with no clinging.
• She even tried to do the steps with the tap shoes.
• Anya had a very short screaming session at home, and then went back to playing with Rob
• Anya decided that since we were gone for an hour, she needed to push her bedtime back an hour.
• It was a happy hour
• She woke once at 1:05 for 15 minutes with 2 very brief crying periods. She woke again at 4:30 to eat. She was up for the day at 5:30 and was a very happy baby. (2 nights does not a pattern make. But, you know I'm hoping this is a pattern...)
• Until she pooped, and then she started whining and chasing me and trying to climb up my leg so I would change her diaper.

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Ally has a stuffed My Little Pony (But it's her little pony. I can't call it a My little pony). She has recently started calling it Rarity. That's the name of the rainbow Princess on a DVD we have. I think it's terribly cute. So I also bought her a computer game with Rarity on it. I'm a sucker. I haven't given it to her yet. I think she plays too much computer.

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I also bought her a Care Bear game. Yeah, we're broke. This is why.

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Did I tell you Rob got his hours switched? yeah, I think I did.

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Ally and Anya are both switching rooms at day care in a couple weeks. I'm not real thrilled. I love our day care. Love it. Except this one little thing. They are money-hungry. Infants cost more. Plus, they have a large waiting list. So they move the kids to older rooms as soon as they can. Ally will be still with most of her friends, but will have to switch rooms and teachers. I like her new teacher (who has been a teacher before in one of her previous rooms), but that's not the point. She's been there for 3 years, and been in 5 different rooms. I think that's over the top. Switching teachers every 6 months? Not thrilled.

Also, Anya is moving from room 2 to oroom 4. She's skipping a whole room. 2 kids in her current romo who are older than her are going to 3. They can't crawl yet. Anya will be the youngest. Some of the kids in that room are already a year old. I love room 4. It was the only room Ally was in for a year, and I love the teahcers. but will Anya be ok in the older room? The thing I'm worried most about is all this switching. If they switch again in August (which they will, because that's when the school age kids get kicked out and new ones come in) it's likely that she will stay while some of the older kids get moved up. This happens to another little girl at day care. She's in the first wave moved into a room, but she's still there when some of the other kids move out. I don't want Anya's future firends to shift that much. maybe I'm just invneting things to worry about, but again. I'm not thrilled. But I love this day care and think it is the best option available. bleh.

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I sent off a card to a kid from Make a Child Smile. I let Ally make one. I think it's a neat idea. You should do it too.

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It's lunchtime. I won't bore you with what I'm having. You're Welcome.

 

on to the good stuff.

I'm not very positive on the blog I've noticed. I bitch a lot. That's mostly because I don't have anyone else to bitch to. But here's a whole heaping of good things that happened this weekend and lately.

Sunday morning, we went to McDonalds to meet with a couple of Ally's day care friends, Olivia and Maggie. I didn't tell Ally they were coming, because we had set it up Tuesday, and that was before the weather turned to shit. I hadn't heard form the parents, and just thought it'd be a nice surprise for her. Besides going to McDonalds was exciting enough. They both came and Ally was SO happy. She ran around with them for 2 hours. I saw Maggie's car pull up and took Ally to the window so she could see who got out. Her face just lit up when she saw Maggie climb out. Then Maggie came running in. Ally had been playing by herself before this. There are 2 ways to climb up. One is a little harder. Ally has never gone that way, because she thinks she's too short. Maggie and Olivia climbed up the hard way and Ally never even thought twice about it. Nothing like a little peer pressure for motivation! Rob came with me and got bored after a bit, so he took Anya with him to go shopping a little. Anya was also bored (After she finished eating, that is. My that kid can eat. She loves sausage! hates pancakes. weird). She kept throwing her toys on the ground in the hopes that we would let her down to play with them. Fat chance on McDonalds's play area floor! It was a nice relaxing time for me.

Twice this weekend, I've tried to get my camera to videotape the kids, and both times they immediatley stopped what they were doing. Ally has this obsession with her toes. She picks things up with them all the time. I think it's hilarious, because that kinda runs in my family. We're weirdos. Anyway. Saturday night she was picking up all the stacking cups off the floor with her toes and lifting them the 2 feet up to the train table and depositing them there. The ones that were upside down and she couldn't pick up? he leaned over and turned them over with her hands, and then picked them up with her toes. Very funny, at least in the context of my family. (But I have to draw the line somewhere. She got in trouble for "helping" Anya pick up a piece of cracker with her feet at supper this weekend. had to sit on the couch. When we made her do it, she looked confused and hurt. After all, she was just trying to help. I was going to go talk to her and explain, but she asked for Rob. So I mentioned the confused look on her face before he went to talk to her. He was very understanding and told her he knew she was jsut trying to help, but feet are dirty, yadda, yadda, yadda. I was so happy. He didn't just dismiss her feelings and pass down the "no feet on food" rule from on high. He explained things very well. ) Anyway... I tried to get the camera, and she immediately got bored with it and went on to something else. brat. :)

The second time, Anya had been yelling loudly and wanting to be held after day care yesterday. I didn't really think she was hungry, but in desperation, I nursed her a little. Ally climbed up on the couch wanting attention too, and almost smacked us with a pillow. I told her not too, and she laid it down next to us and flopped onto it instead. Anya laughed and laughed. She sat up and climbed over to the pillow. She and Ally spent a good 5 minutes laughing and slapping the pillow and hugging and kissing each other (Mostly Ally mauling Anya, but the intention was there) Very cute. No pictures. double brats :)

Speaking of kissing... Anya and I got a little too familiar last night as well. I was Airplaning Ally, so my legs were in the air and my hands holding hers. I had no way to defend myself when Anya lauched herslef at my face. Mouth wide open. Happy as can be. You'll never forget your first french kiss with your kid. Priceless, I tell you. I almost dropped Ally. I was laughing so much I couldn't control my arms very well to get her down,. Plus, I had a 23 pound baby on my face. yum... baby slobbers...

Anya learned how to clap. She does it just like Ally did at first. She holds one hand on her lap still and smacks the other with it. She's so proud of herself. Me too.

Ally has started to point out letters everywhere. We are always hearing "Hey, that A is in my name!" She's also started to write it pretty well. Sometimes she gets it wrong and rubs her hand over it to erase it. (I can tell they use chalk at day care.) Mostly though, it's entirely recognizable. It's the y she has the most trouble with.

Rob's hours got changed. We're now getting up about 10 miutes earliuer and getting home about 45 minutes earlier. Big change. Makes the night go much smoother. Supper's going better. Ally is trying new things. Anya ewats everything in sight. She loves meat. Anya and Rob have a much better relationship than Ally and he did at this age, because he's home so much. Ally's is much better behaved when he's there. I love to see them all laughing together. I bitch about Rob a lot, but having him home, instead of working 24 hour shifts, is SO much better. I love it.

We're doing this whole new thing with our budget and meal planning and stuff. It's complicated, but we're actually cutting down on our un-necesary expenses a little. Makes a big difference. Plus, less stress. I'll explain later. I've already been quite long-winded for today.

This is mostly bitching. I'll be more positive in the next post, I promise

My god, when you step away from the internet for 3-4 days, things pile up. I checked my email occasionally this weekend, but didn't respond to much, so today, it took a couple hours to get through everything and respond and delete it all. Wow. I love having lots of email! Plus, I have lots to say about the crap that happened this weekend. So, this is going to be long I think. Sorry 'bout that.

Anya has been slowly driving me insane. At some point this weekend, my husband said something joking to me and I snapped at him. He said "Take it easy!" Then a couple minutes later, he apoligized. Said that I've been dealing with the kids longer than he had (he got home late becasue of a dr appt) and knows it's hard when Anya's screaming for no apparent reason (I think it's because she's learned that she gets our attention that way. Brat). Then he said "You're acting like you've got one nerve left and the screaming baby is about to drive you over the edge." Haha.

She screams for no reason lately. Just to hear herself, maybe. I don't know. But it's really getting on my nerves. And then Ally gets feeling neglected, because we're always trying to get Anya to shut up. And then she starts talking too and our ears start to bleed. Ok, that was a little of an exaggeration. But Saturday, Anya decided to only take 1 hour naps instead of the usual 1.5 - 2 hours. Was very cranky. Grrr. I got so tired of her screaming.

Then, she woke up in the night screaming. I tried to calm her down a little, but she was just pissed off because I wouldn't get her out. After a while, I gave up and went back to bed. I figured I'd check on her in 5 minutes, but I needed a break. So instead of a break, I got to losten to Rob asking me what I was doing. I told him I was tired of her tamtrums and i needed a break. He left me alone for a little bit, but after about 10 minutes of chekcing on her and leaving again, he started "suggesting" better ways of handling it. It's hard enough to listen to your kid scream, but to have to listen to it without any support is enough to make you start screaming right along with her. he started to get sarcastic too. ugh, sometimes I hate that man. So finally, she started to lay herself down, but after the mobile shut off, she wouldn't be asleep enough to stay down, so I stayed in the room hiding from her in the corner and made sure the mobile didn't time off. After about 15 mintues of that, she was deep enough asleep to stay there. I told Rob that it had worked. Big mistake.

So, Sunday we did fun things in the morning and both needed a nap, but Anya woke up about 10 minutes after we laid down. So we went upstairs with her. Rob sat on the computer and did God knows what while the baby attacked me. She's leav me alone just long enough for me to think I could close my eyes on the couch, and then WHAM! Finger in the eye. Silly girl. She thought it was hilarious. Why couldn't Rob have kept her entertained a bit if he wasn't going to take a nap either? So then, it's time to get Ally up. Not wake her up, because she decided that she wasn't tired again and refused to go to sleep. She stayed in her room for quiet time instead. She was supposed to be in bed, but I'm not sure she did that part of it.

That night, Anya started crying in the night like usual. i went in and tried the whole hiding and keeping the mobile running thing for 30 minutes with mild success. She didn't get up, but she stirred every once in a while and I had to tell her "night, night" I got tired of it and let the mobile switch off and she was up almost immediately. I patted her back and layed her down for another 15 minutes before I walked away. I made up my mind that I was done with this shit. She's got to learn to sleep, or she's going to grow up thinking I'm a grouchy bitch. I need sleep! Plus, it's not fair to Ally either. And her dad's an asshole when he's tired. Many reasons...

So I waited in the hall to see what would happen. I heard Rob sigh loudly in bed behind me. Obvious that he didn't approve. Asshole. I went in after 5 minutes and calmed her down and came back out. Once she started screaming again, Rob picked a fight with me. "(Sigh) If you're going to be standing in the hall, could you at least shut her door? (sigh)" I shut her door. "Why are you standing there?" Um, because I don't want to lay in bed and listen to you sigh and bitch. Again, I'm not a happy person when I get no sleep. I blame him for not letting me teach her to sleep before now. He starts talking to me, so I have to go in there. he picks apart my methods and says all kinds of nasty things to me. He always does this. He waits until something is wrong, ie. someone's screaming, to discuss how I'm handling things. he called me a liar becaus eI told him I wasn't going to let her scream and get histerical and I never follow through on what I tell him. I just told him the other day that it was getting better. And last night I told him all I had to do was keep the mobile going, blah, blah blah.

It wasn't pretty. In fact, it may just be the lowest point in our marriage yet. Maybe. We've had some pretty bad fights. I don't really give a shit anymore though. If he doesn't value me enough to realize that I'm suffering from this whole sleep thing, screw him. I would understand if I was putting myself over the needs of the kids, but Ally deserves parents who aren't drop-dead tired, and Anya deserves to be able to sleep at night too. If she can learn - if I can teach her that - she won't have to spend half the night awake either. short-term - a pain in the ass for all concerned (except Ally who sleeps through it). long term - better for everyone.

The next day, we didn't even really takl until afternoon. We were both still really pissed. Finally, Rob decides to get over it and we talk. He backed downa  little. Says that the reason we fight so much is that evberything is critical. We're so behind on everything, that one little thing is giant. If we have to spend an extra dollar, it affects the whole budget, because we don't have an extra dollar to spend. if we miss out on any sleep, it's critical, becase we've not had decent sleep for so long. he said that my way may not be the best way of doing things, but he's willing to let it go. Awful big of him isn't it. Fucker. Anyway, I realize that's his way of trying to get over the fight and that he's going to drop it, so I don't quibble over his actual words. or the fact that he just said that I was wrong and he was willing to let me do it anyway. The important thing here is that he's not going to add to the stress of trying to get her to sleep.

The good news is that last night, she barely cried. She knows what "Lay down" menas and is settling herself much better. Um, wait. One night does not a pattern make. We'll just suspend judgement on this one for a while. Check back with me next week. I may even still be married then.

new scrapbook pictures

I did some new scrapbook pages. I'm working on more. Just got overwhelmed with pictures.

Hey, guy in the silver car,

Hey, you! Yeah, the one driving down Rutledge yesterday at 4:00. You're a dumbass. I'm betting that the little-bitty-cardboard-box-which-was-obviously-empty-since-it-was-blowing-across-the-road-with-the-wind would do a lot less damage to your car than a head-on collision with my Durango. Stay in your lane!

Sincerely,

Katie

it's better

Just to clarify, Ally waking up the other night was an aberration. She has finally been sleeping through the night pretty regularly. Every once in a while she wakes up, but she usually has a reason. A week or two after Christmas we had a hell of a time getting her to actually go to sleep. She'd be up playing in her bed for hours after we read her stories. I think it was just all the change in schedule and excitement though, because it seems to be settling back to normal now. (Except naps. We'll see if that improves this weekend. She stayed awake through her naps last weekend. They just ended up being quiet time)

Anya, on the other hand, is a butt about sleeping. She was such a good sleeper as a baby. But as soon as she got mobile, she got over it. Her normal routine is to go to sleep around 7. She wakes up around 10:30 or so and again around 2-3. I used to nurse her back to sleep, but I was going insane. Soetimes she woke more often. Sleep-deprived Katie is not a fun person. I tried everything, and am currently working on a new plan. I think it's improving. I comfort her in her crib and only in her crib. She yells, I go in and she's standing at the rails waiting for me. She leans her head against me and after she has calmed a little, I lay her down and pat her back / sing to her / hold her hand / let her pull my hair / whatever works. Except picking her up. If she doesn't lay down, I start over. Monday night I thought we were doing great. She's started to make the connection. She was leaning against me and bent her knees to lay down before I even moved. I think the screaming fit she had while I was gone at dance the other night disrupted her. Anyway, last night at 10:40 she laid back down without a fight at all and was asleep almost instantly. I wasn't even out of bed for 2 minutes. At 3:10 she lay back down pretty fast and I left to pee and came back to checck on her. She was restless, so I patted her back a while. It took about a half hour for her to go back to sleep. Yes, it's still not great, but it's a BIG improvement. Then she woke up at 4:45 to eat and I woke her at 6:00 to get ready for day care. I'm not real thrilled with the 4:45 wake-up, but I'm willing to let it go for now.

So there. Much more information than you needed, but I'm encouraged. I hope this is actually a pattern of less awake time and not a fluke. Maybe someday I'll actually feel human again.

dance

Hey, did I tell you we were starting a new dance class (well, it was tumbling, but Ally liked to call it dance)? Oh. Did I tell you we quit the last one? oh. Well, consider yourself told. Remember a long time ago, that very first dance class we signed up for and how the class dwindled away and we were left all by our lonesone? Yeah, that kinda happened to the second place we went also. During summer it was great. Then the teacher left and a new one came. Then we got another new one. She couldn't have been more than 16 years old and had no idea how to control the kids. Then, people started dropping out. Hannah (Ally's day care friend) showed up occasionally, but not regularly, because of some problems at home (I think her parents are getting divorced. I feel so sad for Hannah). Then it happened. Allly was the only one there one night. So I left and said I'd find another one. Ally wasn't real thrilled, but she never knows what day it is and forgot to ask about it anymore.

I talked to another mom from day care a long time ago and found out that Maggie was in a dance class. And actual dance class with tap shoes and leotards and everything. So I went to that one one night and checked it out. Ally hated it. She wanted to go back to her old dance class with Hannah. Maggie wasn't there that night. It was mostly older girls, and Ally wouldn't leave my side. I thought it looked like it might be too old for her, and just decided to put it on hold for a while and think about it after the holidays. Then, Sandy - Maggie's mom - called me and said she heard we went and that they would be going back in January. Hooray. I liked the idea of this place because it's like 4 minutes from the house. We have enough time to go home and eat before, so we don't always have to be going to McDonalds on dance night. Plus, she told me that another little girl from daycare was in the class too.

So last night we went. We got there early to get the shoes and leotarda nd all. her friends weren't there yet, and Ally still wasn't too happy. But then maggie got there. Ally didn't do much to start and didn't want to let go of me. But they got out maracas, and Ally loves them. She shook them for a while and forgot she wasn't supposed to be having fun. None of the other parents stay in the room for this class, so as soon as she started to forget me, I sneaked out. I sat in the adjoining room with 6 other moms and had adult conversation for a while. yes, it was mostly centered around the kids, but it was whining free! There is a camera in the dance rooms and i could watch to see if Ally was adjusting. Mostly she was, but I did see the teachers have to reign her in a couple times. Which just made me even more thankful that I didn't have to be in direct supervision. I hope this class works out.

As an added bonus, I traded phone numbers with the parents of Ally's friends and we're going to meet at the McDonalds playland on Sunday morning. Cool.

However, when we got home Anya was screaming. Rob said she noticed I was gone about 20 minutes in and crawled to the gate and cried. He took her on a tour of the house (He had to do this with Ally all the time. If I left, she didn't believe that I wasn't just hiding downstairs. He'd pick her up and carry her through the house showing her I wasn't in any of the rooms or closets. Then, she'd be satisfied and go on playing) but it didn't work. When he'd proven I wasn't there, it Pissed. Her. Off.She screamed and screamed. He couldn't calm her down. I'm not sure how hard he tried. He doesn't really know how to distract babies very well. He loses patience pretty easily. Anyway, she calmed down when I picked her up and nursed for a little while to settle down. Then she smiled and giggled and played the rest of the evening. She had the nerve to crawl off my lap across the couch to Rob and laugh at him, mere moments after stopping with the screaming.

She's going to have to learn, because there's not any place for her to play at the dance place. She can't go with us.

Someone come take my kids for a night please!

I'm dog-ass tired today. I might take a nap at lunch, if my husband doesn't object to me making him eat all by his lonesone. This is what I did last night:

8:15 Rob goes down to put Ally to bed.
9:00 Anya finally crashes upstairs with me.
9:22 I put Anya in her bed and return upstairs to curl up on the couch and wait for Rob to get tired and go to bed with me.
10:00 He wakes me up to go to bed
10:45 Anya wakes up. I lay her down and pat her a minute. She's still restless, so I sit in the rocking chair in case she gets right back up.
12:09 I wake up with a sore neck and go to bed.
1:12 Ally wakes up screaming. Says she needs some cough syrup. She doesn't. She settles for a drink of water.
2:24 Ally wakes up screaming. I threaten her that if I have to get up again, she WILL be sorry.
3:02 Anya wakes up screaming. Inconsolable. Screw the whole crying it out thing. I'm tired. So I pick her up and rock her. She still won't stop crying. WTF? Stupid kid. I have to walk around with her and bounce to settle her and it still takes forever. SO tired!
3:53 Back in bed
5:00 Alarm goes off
5:15 Get in shower. My god I'm tired

hiding or headless
That de-lurking picture is really bothering me. It's like an optical illusion. One time I look, I think someone's bending their head down hiding behind the computer with their hands on back of their head (which is what I think it's supposed to be - what with the whole quit lurking around idea). But the next time I look at it, I have a disturbing thought of a headless person sitting there with his hands folded under where his chin should be. It's really creeping me out. If he doesn't have a head, he shouldn't be resting his chin on his hands!

8 months old

I got Anya's 8 month pictures. How did she get this big? She's starting to look less like Ally at that age. She's getting her own look. And her own attitude. She has decided that the train tracks Must. Not. remain on the table. plus, when she's happy, 90% of the time, she's blowing raspberries. She was fighting Rob while he was putting her in her seat the other day and he said "STOP IT!" She looked at him, said pblttt, and went on trying to get loose. The pictures are at 8 months old.

game

In case you're having trouble thinking of things to comment about on de-lurking week, I present you with this:

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you read these words?

bridge

cheese

outstanding

love

citizenship

final

carpenter

Ok, I'll give you my answers in the comments so as to not influence yours. (I used to play this game all the time in Psych 101 with my old roomate. We got some funny looks from the people around us)

De-lurking week

Hey, everybody. There's a law that says you must comment during de-lurking week. At least once. More is better. Tell me who you are. Am I talking to myself (and the handful of people who do regularly comment)?

What do you mean it's not a law? Of course it is. Just take my word for it.

The ties that bind

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family.

I really wish that saying had no bearing on my life. Sadly it does. My sister is a fuck-up. I love her to bits, but she's really done quite a bit to mess up her life and in the process, the people around her. She's currently trying to straighten up, but she has a lot to make up for. She's been on drugs, in and out of jail, prison, and has burned quite a few bridges. People have really tried to help her out. My mom is currently raising her oldest children, my aunt her third. Christy only has custody of the forth kid. She lies and misrepresents things so much that I never even ask questions, because I'm not going to believe the answer, so why bother? I think she gave up long ago, and has decided that having no expectations is better than being disappointed. She hasn't yet admitted that she is responsible for any of the decisions she has made in her life. Everything is someone else's fault. Especially Mom's.

She came to visit for a little while this weekend and I didn't even know what to talk to her about. I wouldn't talk to her if she were just some person on the street, so what do I say to her when we are together? We really share no common interests. We share family, but mostly, I like them and she bitches about how they mistreat or misunderstand her. In some cases she's right. She is misunderstood and rarely gets the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, it's because she's exhausted all of her second (fiftieth) chances. She is misunderstood, because no one can understand why anyone would make the crappy decisions she has made. I really don't want to withdraw form her completely, because of my nephew and nieces. If she ever gets her act together I will be overjoyed. I'm just not holding my breath. So how do I maintain a casual relationship with someone who lives her life at odds with everything that I believe is right? Everything she says makes me want to scream "But Christy, you used to have a brain! Why don't you want to use it?" Why live in the gutter?

(One time she asked me "Are you till breastfeeding? She had quit at around 2 months or so, I think. I told her that I couldn't afford to quit and buy formula even if I wanted to and I didn't want to anyway. She replied that she didn't have to pay for it. She got it free. THAT is why I can't afford to pay for it. People like her living without a job on purpose, expecting that other people will pay their way because we wouldn't want to see her child harmed for it. That kid shouldn't be used like that, and iIshouldn't have to pay for her shit just because she is on welfare. GRR. And she smokes. GRRRRRRR)

I don't know how to deal with her. Does she deserve anything form me because she's my sister? Do family ties entitle her to have a relationship with me? Somehow, I don't think so, but still, because she's my sister, I can't sever out relationship. I just suffer through the time we spend together waiting for it to be over. It really pisses me off that she's not the person I grew up with and loved so much.