You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family.
I really wish that saying had no bearing on my life. Sadly it does. My sister is a fuck-up. I love her to bits, but she's really done quite a bit to mess up her life and in the process, the people around her. She's currently trying to straighten up, but she has a lot to make up for. She's been on drugs, in and out of jail, prison, and has burned quite a few bridges. People have really tried to help her out. My mom is currently raising her oldest children, my aunt her third. Christy only has custody of the forth kid. She lies and misrepresents things so much that I never even ask questions, because I'm not going to believe the answer, so why bother? I think she gave up long ago, and has decided that having no expectations is better than being disappointed. She hasn't yet admitted that she is responsible for any of the decisions she has made in her life. Everything is someone else's fault. Especially Mom's.
She came to visit for a little while this weekend and I didn't even know what to talk to her about. I wouldn't talk to her if she were just some person on the street, so what do I say to her when we are together? We really share no common interests. We share family, but mostly, I like them and she bitches about how they mistreat or misunderstand her. In some cases she's right. She is misunderstood and rarely gets the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, it's because she's exhausted all of her second (fiftieth) chances. She is misunderstood, because no one can understand why anyone would make the crappy decisions she has made. I really don't want to withdraw form her completely, because of my nephew and nieces. If she ever gets her act together I will be overjoyed. I'm just not holding my breath. So how do I maintain a casual relationship with someone who lives her life at odds with everything that I believe is right? Everything she says makes me want to scream "But Christy, you used to have a brain! Why don't you want to use it?" Why live in the gutter?
(One time she asked me "Are you till breastfeeding? She had quit at around 2 months or so, I think. I told her that I couldn't afford to quit and buy formula even if I wanted to and I didn't want to anyway. She replied that she didn't have to pay for it. She got it free. THAT is why I can't afford to pay for it. People like her living without a job on purpose, expecting that other people will pay their way because we wouldn't want to see her child harmed for it. That kid shouldn't be used like that, and iIshouldn't have to pay for her shit just because she is on welfare. GRR. And she smokes. GRRRRRRR)
I don't know how to deal with her. Does she deserve anything form me because she's my sister? Do family ties entitle her to have a relationship with me? Somehow, I don't think so, but still, because she's my sister, I can't sever out relationship. I just suffer through the time we spend together waiting for it to be over. It really pisses me off that she's not the person I grew up with and loved so much.