My god, when you step away from the internet for 3-4 days, things pile up. I checked my email occasionally this weekend, but didn't respond to much, so today, it took a couple hours to get through everything and respond and delete it all. Wow. I love having lots of email! Plus, I have lots to say about the crap that happened this weekend. So, this is going to be long I think. Sorry 'bout that.

Anya has been slowly driving me insane. At some point this weekend, my husband said something joking to me and I snapped at him. He said "Take it easy!" Then a couple minutes later, he apoligized. Said that I've been dealing with the kids longer than he had (he got home late becasue of a dr appt) and knows it's hard when Anya's screaming for no apparent reason (I think it's because she's learned that she gets our attention that way. Brat). Then he said "You're acting like you've got one nerve left and the screaming baby is about to drive you over the edge." Haha.

She screams for no reason lately. Just to hear herself, maybe. I don't know. But it's really getting on my nerves. And then Ally gets feeling neglected, because we're always trying to get Anya to shut up. And then she starts talking too and our ears start to bleed. Ok, that was a little of an exaggeration. But Saturday, Anya decided to only take 1 hour naps instead of the usual 1.5 - 2 hours. Was very cranky. Grrr. I got so tired of her screaming.

Then, she woke up in the night screaming. I tried to calm her down a little, but she was just pissed off because I wouldn't get her out. After a while, I gave up and went back to bed. I figured I'd check on her in 5 minutes, but I needed a break. So instead of a break, I got to losten to Rob asking me what I was doing. I told him I was tired of her tamtrums and i needed a break. He left me alone for a little bit, but after about 10 minutes of chekcing on her and leaving again, he started "suggesting" better ways of handling it. It's hard enough to listen to your kid scream, but to have to listen to it without any support is enough to make you start screaming right along with her. he started to get sarcastic too. ugh, sometimes I hate that man. So finally, she started to lay herself down, but after the mobile shut off, she wouldn't be asleep enough to stay down, so I stayed in the room hiding from her in the corner and made sure the mobile didn't time off. After about 15 mintues of that, she was deep enough asleep to stay there. I told Rob that it had worked. Big mistake.

So, Sunday we did fun things in the morning and both needed a nap, but Anya woke up about 10 minutes after we laid down. So we went upstairs with her. Rob sat on the computer and did God knows what while the baby attacked me. She's leav me alone just long enough for me to think I could close my eyes on the couch, and then WHAM! Finger in the eye. Silly girl. She thought it was hilarious. Why couldn't Rob have kept her entertained a bit if he wasn't going to take a nap either? So then, it's time to get Ally up. Not wake her up, because she decided that she wasn't tired again and refused to go to sleep. She stayed in her room for quiet time instead. She was supposed to be in bed, but I'm not sure she did that part of it.

That night, Anya started crying in the night like usual. i went in and tried the whole hiding and keeping the mobile running thing for 30 minutes with mild success. She didn't get up, but she stirred every once in a while and I had to tell her "night, night" I got tired of it and let the mobile switch off and she was up almost immediately. I patted her back and layed her down for another 15 minutes before I walked away. I made up my mind that I was done with this shit. She's got to learn to sleep, or she's going to grow up thinking I'm a grouchy bitch. I need sleep! Plus, it's not fair to Ally either. And her dad's an asshole when he's tired. Many reasons...

So I waited in the hall to see what would happen. I heard Rob sigh loudly in bed behind me. Obvious that he didn't approve. Asshole. I went in after 5 minutes and calmed her down and came back out. Once she started screaming again, Rob picked a fight with me. "(Sigh) If you're going to be standing in the hall, could you at least shut her door? (sigh)" I shut her door. "Why are you standing there?" Um, because I don't want to lay in bed and listen to you sigh and bitch. Again, I'm not a happy person when I get no sleep. I blame him for not letting me teach her to sleep before now. He starts talking to me, so I have to go in there. he picks apart my methods and says all kinds of nasty things to me. He always does this. He waits until something is wrong, ie. someone's screaming, to discuss how I'm handling things. he called me a liar becaus eI told him I wasn't going to let her scream and get histerical and I never follow through on what I tell him. I just told him the other day that it was getting better. And last night I told him all I had to do was keep the mobile going, blah, blah blah.

It wasn't pretty. In fact, it may just be the lowest point in our marriage yet. Maybe. We've had some pretty bad fights. I don't really give a shit anymore though. If he doesn't value me enough to realize that I'm suffering from this whole sleep thing, screw him. I would understand if I was putting myself over the needs of the kids, but Ally deserves parents who aren't drop-dead tired, and Anya deserves to be able to sleep at night too. If she can learn - if I can teach her that - she won't have to spend half the night awake either. short-term - a pain in the ass for all concerned (except Ally who sleeps through it). long term - better for everyone.

The next day, we didn't even really takl until afternoon. We were both still really pissed. Finally, Rob decides to get over it and we talk. He backed downa  little. Says that the reason we fight so much is that evberything is critical. We're so behind on everything, that one little thing is giant. If we have to spend an extra dollar, it affects the whole budget, because we don't have an extra dollar to spend. if we miss out on any sleep, it's critical, becase we've not had decent sleep for so long. he said that my way may not be the best way of doing things, but he's willing to let it go. Awful big of him isn't it. Fucker. Anyway, I realize that's his way of trying to get over the fight and that he's going to drop it, so I don't quibble over his actual words. or the fact that he just said that I was wrong and he was willing to let me do it anyway. The important thing here is that he's not going to add to the stress of trying to get her to sleep.

The good news is that last night, she barely cried. She knows what "Lay down" menas and is settling herself much better. Um, wait. One night does not a pattern make. We'll just suspend judgement on this one for a while. Check back with me next week. I may even still be married then.