OK, so I've had a couple people wondering where the heck I've been, and I just have to say that it feels good. I don't really have a lot of friends, and I like keeping in touch with people through the blog. It's, um, homey or something. (Gosh, I'm so eloquent) Plus, no one used to notice I was missing if I went 4 or 5 days without posting. Anyway. I'm still here. Just as busy as a whore in church - No wait, that's something else - as a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

I probably just offended all of my faithful one-legged men and whore readers. Um, sorry you guys. You know I didn't mean anything by it

No, I haven't been sleeping all this time. In fact, I'd have to say that I've been sleeping precious little of it. Anya seems to have decided that that one blissful night was just too good for me and might have given me some rather high expectations, so she's bound and determined to dash my hopes to the ground and break them into little tiny shards that she can pick up and shove up my nose in the middle of the night just to make sure I'm paying attention (or maybe I should cut her fingernails). Anyway. Sleep has deserted me and left me with a tiny little (25 pound) monster. You'd think I could take her. I'm much bigger. But alas, I'm no match for her. I've come to accept it. sort of.

Things I've been doing in my copious awake time:

1. Checking into Lasik surgery. Nope. Maybe next year. Crap. And also the doctors office I talked to are great big assholes and wasted my time. Fuckers. (I'm harboring a little resentment here. I really wanted surgery this year, and since I can't have it, I've blaming them because it's convenient.) Pig Fuckers!
2. Went to a nice dinner at the home of one of Rob's co-workers. Soup, salad, prime rib, and the works. Delicious. And a very nice time away from the monsters (Yes that's plural. I'm getting there) The hosts were nice too, if a little nutty.
3. Said "Ally do it NOW!" approximately 534,246,761 times a day. The little shit has decided that she's got better things to do than actually to listen to anything Rob or I have to tell her. Luckily she thinks that "I'm going to beat her" means that we're going to race.  She might run even faster if she knew what we really meant.
4. Didn't have to pay for a babysitter for above night out, because my friend Amy (Not the Amy that comments here sometimes, although that would be cool, 'cause that would mean we worked together instead of living 1000 miles apart and not ever having met) knew all the answers to a radio show contest, but she isn't qualified to win, because she is a contest junkie, and there's a limit on how many prizes you can win per month. So she had me call in instead, and I won her husband 2 tickets to the Cubs on Monday night. So bonus free babysitting.
5. Got so little sleep that we both called in sick to work on Monday and took the kids to day care. Scratch that. He called in sick. I used a personal day. We weren't sick. I did the right thing. I didn't lie. Did you hear that karma!??!! Then why, oh why did you give me a killer migraine 5 hours later? huh? You got the wrong person! Uncle Fucker!

Now I've probably offended any aunts who read this. Not that fucking uncles is bad, per se. Only if they happen to be your uncles, you see. If they're your husbands, if all good, even if they happen to be someone's uncle. Better?

6. Made the decision that everything (except what Anya can use in the future) goes in the garage sale soon. Our neighborhood has one every spring, and this year we're selling off massive loads of crap. Um, I mean good quality stuff. Really. There's a lot of really nice things in there, because I'm a sucker for cute little dresses, and they never get worn except to pictures, because I'm a dirty heathen and don't go to church.

Now I've... aw screw it. The dirty heathens can just go fuck themselves too. I've got enough to worry about. :)

So Rob and I have decided that the possibility of having more kids is remote enough that it's not worth saving all the 20 or so tote-fuls of stuff we've got in the attic. This makes me very sad, and I've got a post brewing on it too, but it's still kind of a sore subject for me. I had kind of thought there would be another, but it just doesn't look like the circumstances are going to allow it. So anyway, sad. But, that decision created a butt-load of work to do. So we dragged everything out of the attic, sorted by size, taped the outfits together and organized for the upcoming sale. It took forever thanks to that bitch Karma. (I'm still bitter about that too. I'd better get something good coming my way soon) but we've got all the clothes sorted. Next comes the toys. Hooray. I love throwing crap away. And it's even better if I'm not really throwing it away, but have the chance to make some money on it. get crap out of my house and get money for it? Woot! Yes, I'm a capitalist pig. oink.

(And I know that didn't offend anynoe, because us capitalistic pigs are too busy drooling over the prospect of money to be offended)

7. Got a project to do at work. It's a small project, and I have to share it with Amy, because we started there at the same time, and have been without work for the same amount otf time, and it wouldn't be fair to give it to me alone, blah blah blah. So anyway, we have to share it which means it will take about twice as long to do since we have to check in with each other on stupid little shit just to keep from duplicating work and stepping on toes. I'm not all that great at working in a group, so this may take some real effort to avoid actually offending her. Because I DO like her. I just like to work by myself.
8. Turned in my last homework assignment 4 days late, because I got too lazy to bother with it. I explained that when I submitted it and took the blame entirely upon myself. My teacher thought it was refreshing that I made no excuse and excused me the late penalty. Pretty awesome. I doubt she'll be that forgiving this time though. I really need to finish last weeks assignment. But now I've got this project to do at work and stuff... Procrastination is a fine art. You've got to practice to be any good at it. You know, whenever you get around to it that is.
9. Am working on weaning Anya. She's taking milk now, and I'm just about ready to start leaving the pump at home. Yippe! I really hate that thing. The nursing, I'm going to miss a little, but really? I'm over it.

And that's it. Well, not really, but that is the Readers Digest Condensed Version. My god, who knows how long the long story would have been. Good thing I shortened it. That's why I haven't been emailing, blogging, etc. I'll be back soon. Promise. You couldn't get rid of me that easily