sneezing
This weekend, Ally almost made Rob aspirate grape juice. She sneezed, and thought it was funny. She told me to "do it again" I told her she's the one who sneezed, she had to do it again. So she stood there, trying so hard to sneeze. She got that far-off look in her eyes, and let her mouth hang slack, and everything. Then she looked at us and said - in the most confused tone - I can't. Maybe you just had to be there, but it was freakin hilarious.

Let the weirdness be exposed
OK, I've been too busy reading other blogs to update mine yet this week, but ran into something interesting that will let me tie the two together. MFA Mama has asked everyone to write 5 weird things about themselves. (Yes, I know that subject/verb tense was wrong. Bite me. This is my blog, and I can do what I want) I left some in the comments there, but the idea intrigued me. So I decided to continue on that theme here instead of hi-jacking her comments section anymore. It took me a while to get started, but now I'm thinking of weird things left and right. This one is wedding themed. I'll probably do more later.

1. At our wedding, we each had three people standing with us. 1 relative, and 2 of the other person's friends. Rob's groomsman were my friends and my bridesmaids were his.
2. I had slept with one of the groomsmen in the past and Rob had slept with one of the bridesmaids. Yes, we grew up in small towns.
3. Neither of us thought this was weird, but everyone else that I tell seems to.
4. We served hamburgers and brats for our reception dinner.
5. We went bowling with our friends after the reception.
6. I found our clergy person in the Shopper (a free Classifieds paper). He was an idiot, but said what we told him to. He said he was non-denominational, but I think he was just in it for the money.
7. His wife was scheduled for a c-section the day before the wedding (I think. It might have been the day of.)
8. That's the 3rd sentence I've ended in a preposition so far.
9. Rob never asked me to marry him. We kinda just decided to set a date. When we got back together that time (We broke up umpteen million times in our "courtship") we just decided it was forever, or nothing. We now own guns. No divorce allowed. We've made a pact: If it's bad enough to get a divorce, it's bad enough to die for.*
10. The first date we picked for our wedding was a week after the final one. We had to change it because my 2 groomsmen were already scheduled to be groomsmen in another wedding that day. (That marriage lasted about 9 months. We ran into a bunch of our friends at McDonalds about 2 years later killing time before the guy's second wedding.)

okay, that's it for now. more weirdness to come.


*That sounds kinda extreme, but it is. Both our parents got married and divorced enough that we just don't want to do it to the kids. Now, if either of us believe that the kids are being harmed by us being together, that falls under the "it bad enough to die for" category, 'cos we'd do anything for our kids. It is just so miniscule a possibility that it's not worth tihnking about.

trivia thing
Okay, so I saw this on someone else's blog, and thought it was funny. Here's what I got back

And he's not even pregnant!
i just had to make a quick trip across town to rescue my husband. He locked himself out of his car at BestBuy. Haha. he gives me such crap because I do it all the time. I think it's just freaking hilarious. Even though I have to work through part of my lunch tomorrow now. I'm going to have to bring this up whenever he makes fun of me now.

Too much poop I guess
You know how I mentioned before that I think the ads at the top of the page are based on the content of my posts? What do you make of this?

stage two has begun
Stage 2 of the Great Toddler Bamboozle has begun. Sunday afternoon we moved her bed to the toy room. it seems to be going pretty well so far, but I expect that to come to a crashing halt soon. It always does.

Haha, I just re-read that post I linked to above. "Ally stays in her bed." Heeheehaha. While she was getting her canines in (She has 2 coming in and they're not all the way in, but they seem to not bother her as much as they did before) I couldn't keep her in bed. We went through about 2 or 3 weeks of constant wakings and screaming at night. For some reason, she wanted to sleep with me. She's never wanted that before. I have no idea why it stopped (now that I'm writing about it though, I'm fucked, cause it'll start up again) unless it's her teeth that have stopped hurting so much but things have gone back to normal. Which means I only have to wake up for 1 or 2 times in the night, and tell her to lay down and put her mobile on and she does. She's awake about 30 seconds, but I have to try to go back to sleep after that...

Darra is coming up tonight though, and her bed is kinda hidden under a mound of crap. I either have to clean it up tonight, or she has to sleep on the couch. Oops

Oh my aching back
How is it that kids know when to kick you when you're down? My back hurt so bad last night for some reason. Ally wouldn't stop climbing on me and wanted me to sit on the floor with her. I mostly curled up in a ball on the floor and waited for her to get tired of it. Rob tried to convince her that he was hurting me and making me sad. Then she came over and said "I'm sorry" and hugged me about 50 times and made me feel guilty.

I just wanted to stretch out on my belly and pop my back, but I can't because my belly is the currnet home of baby #2, and I don't want to crush her. So instead iI just suffered in silence bitched all night. Rob was finally able to pop it a little for me, and that felt so good, but then I had to sit hunched over Ally's bed to read to her and tightened up again. It's better this morning Thank God.

Anyone want to buy a car?
We got a VERY nice Christmas present from Rob's sister. It's a chance to not have a car payment. This is what happened.

For a long time, Rob's dad has been worried about Rob's Bonneville (green). It's old, but still runs. It has 170K miles on it, and may die tomorrow, but may run another year or two. Rob has taken good care of it. Rob's dad has also been worried about Jennifer's (Rob's sister) car. It's a Bonneville (white) with 120K miles on it. She hasn't done as many things maintenance-wise on it, because she's not as car-savy as Rob. It has a small antifreeze leak and everyone says it's going to die soon without some work. She got a chance to buy a new car, and did. Now, Rob's dad wants us to sell Rob's car cause it's older, and drive Jenn's, because it's in better condition. (I drive a 2002 Buick Regal. I get the good car 'cause I have the baby) No one really knows if it really IS in better condition or not, but everyone knows that Rob is hard on cars and expects his to die any day.

So Rob took the train up to Chicago and picked it up and said it does run better than his. he checked the leak, and says it's not important - not hurting anything. I hate Rob's car. It has leather bucket seats, and I can't see over the dash. I feel like I'm drowning in the seat. Jenn's has a cloth bench seat. I can drive it. So I convinced everyone to let me drive it. The beauty of it all is that Rob is happy, 1- because he LOVES Bonnevilles 2- because he knows that he'll still get to drive a Bonneville when one of them dies and I get a new car (van) and 3- it allows us to sell the Regal and get his dad's name off the loan ('cos he had to co-sign for it). I'm happy because I get to save around $250 a month, and it has more room in the backseat for two kids. Rob's dad is happy because he gets his name off the loan but still worried that one will break down. We've convinced him that if that happens, he can co-sign another loan for us and we can get a better car - or - better yet, if we don't have a car payment for long enough, maybe he won't have to co-sign anything.

Anyway, we got a free car. All we had to do was title and insure it. So, does anyone want to buy a Regal?

stayed up past my bedtime
am now very tired. But happy. Rob and I stayed up last night looking at bills, and such, and found out we are in a better place than I thought. Most semesters, when student loan money comes in, we already have it spent. This year though we finally managed to get it almost all directed toward our huge mound of debt instead of new purchases like a laptop or something equally expensive. Yay for us. Only problem is that it's Rob's last semester, and we'll probably have to start paying on it before he gets back to school since he's taking a year off at least. oh well. We're making progress.

terrible twos
OH MY GOD. I think I've gone round the bend. I've officially lost my mind. I can't take anymore. Why did I ever want another kid? (Ok, I know the answer to that one) I think there's a certain pitch that only your own child can reach with her screaming. When they hit that pitch, it makes you want to do anything possible to shut them up. Then reason sets in and tells you that you can't give in, or she is in charge, and instead, it makes you want to do anything possible to rip out your own eardrums, and scream Please God make it quit!

It all started over supper. I made her chickens. She likes chickens. I also got her out some oranges. She loves oranges. But, she's been stuck on this green applesauce kick lately, and I thought it was time for a little variety in her diet, (Hah, like a choice of 7 things she eats is variety. anyway...)She threw a fit yelling for green applesauce. Then she yelled for fish sticks, then she yelled that she doesn't like orange juice (which is a lie!!!!!) then she yelled I want Mommy, but she didn't really. She just wanted picked up so that she would be closer to the cabinets that hold the food. She yelled for muffins (which we're out of). She yelled for smiles (those little off-brand fruit snacks) I calmly ate my dinner and told her that she could have anything she wanted AFTER she ate some chickens. She screamed for 40 minutes. That's way too long for my sanity. I'm not holding on too tightly these days anyway. She finally distracted herself with some stuffed puppies, and promptly forgot we were fighting. That was at 6 - 6:45

8:15 rolled around, and I needed some peace and quiet, so I turned on Dora to let her calm down for the evening. Ok, just because I wanted her to leave me alone. I'm a horrible person. I asked her if she wanted to eat some chickens, and she said "Yeah" and climbed up nito her chair and ate them. She had finished off 2 already before my head threatened to explode, and I had to come downstairs to get away. WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH THE CHICKENS 2 HOURS AGO???????? ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

update: I just checked on her, and she has eaten all 5 of the chickens. The child will kill me yet. You just wait and see

visit with grandma
I forgot to tell everyone that I had a night off last week. Rob was at work, and Ally went to my mom's and stayed the night. Hooray for me. I went out to dinner with a friend and spent way too much time on the internet, and went to bed late and got up late and used up all the hot water in the shower I was in there so long, and I still made it to work early and felt refreshed. I love her to death, but boy, it was good to have a night off. She, of course, had a great time.

brain-sucker
Anyone who hasn't ever been pregnant just can't appreciate the sheer mindlessness of it. By this, I mean that the baby sucks out your mind. It's not there anymore. I was talking to someone the other day about it, and said that I need to make a list to go to the bathroom. She laughed, but I wasn't joking. At work, the bathroom is next to the vending machine with water bottles. I sit at my desk and think, "I'm thirsty." So I get out my $.65 and stand up. Inevitably, when I stand up, I think, "I have to pee." So off I head to the bathroom with money in hand. In hand because 99% of maternity pants don't have pockets in them. So, I shuffle the change around or leave it on the counter until I'm done washing my hands, pick it up and walk out of the bathroom with it. Where do I go? back to my desk of course. Then I sit down and put the money on the desk. I look at it and a light bulb goes on, and I walk back to the vending machines. This happens ALL. THE. TIME.

I make lists constantly. Only problem is that I can never remember to take the lists with me when I need them.

Twice this year I've loocked myself out of my car. It's only January 17th! See, what happens is this: We're too cheap to buy extra ignition keys for our car. They have that anti-theft thing on them, that makes them cost like $70 each. No thanks. So what we do is... Rob and I both have door keys. We keep the ignition key in the car. Rob has forced me to start the car and let it warm up before driving to work in the morning, so... I go outside, unlock the doors, start the car, go back in and finish getting ready, have 5 fights with Ally trying to get her dressed and her hair brushed, feel proud for getting her in the car, hit the button on the garage door remote, and drive to work. Throughout this, I have usually forgotten that either I took the door key back inside, or that it's laying on the seat, because I have no pockets (see above). When I get out I lock the doors, and have no keys to get back in. The first time I had to call a locksmith (which my insurance has reimbursed me for. YAY). The second time, I had a back-up plan in place. (I say first and second meaning this year. This has happened to me many times before, and Rob has always bailed me out, but he isn't always in town to do that) I copied the keys to the house and car and put a set in my desk at work. They are now accessible 24 hours a day. I also put a car key in Ally's cubby at day care, so if I lock myself out while picking her up, she doesn't have to wait for me to catch a cab to work and back. How pathetic is that?

my god, I've been lazy over here, haven't I
I actually had work to do at my job last week. I'm not exactly happy about it though. It's work that shouldn't have needed done. Let me bore you to death tell you about it.

First, I coded (I'm a programmer) something according to the way the (l)users told me. Now, they're in testing and say "Well, that's not the way we wanted it to work". So, now it's got to be changed.

Second they say "Well, such and such wasn't supposed to happen" Well, did you tell me that in the first place? No.

These 2 things wouldn't really be that much work, they are just annoying, because had I been informed, I could have done it in the first place.

The Third thing though... oh, that kinda drove me insane (and is what I'm supposed to be working on now, but hey, my server is booting up, so I've got a minute). They told us to delete one little line out of the instructions. Not a big deal? That one little line put a restriction on who was eligible to file. If that restriction is no longer there, quite a few of our edit checks are no longer supposed to be there too, and it completely changes the way we allow people to login to the form!!! GRRR. When this was brought up, the lady in charge of the (l)users says "Did I not tell you taht before?" This is supposed to done and tested and deployed in 2 1/2 weeks. Grrr. Now, I have to get back to work.

CRAP
Well, I haven't talked about poop for at least a week, so I thought that it was safe to share this with you. No doubt you will find it funnier than I did.

I just came downstairs to use the bathroom, and had to rush back upstairs to the sounds of oh no, and anhhhh. i got there and saw the baby with her panties at her ankles, and a big blob of poop behind her. It seems that she pooped in her panties and then didn't liek the feeling much, so tried to take them off. She was very disturbed by the poop on the floor. Me too. I have to go do some laundry now

going bananas
Even if I hadn't seen the new baby's little (lack of a) pee-pee in the sonogram, I would know it's a girl. We're already having issues. She doesn't like bananas or something.

Every time I eat a banana, I get terrible heartburn. Now, bananas are supposed to be bland enough that they don't cause much problem. HA. My baby doesn't like them. The banana hits her system, and she immediately starts rolling around swimming toward my stomach, so she can squeeze it and try to make the banana leave the hard way. Well, I'm not letting her win! I will eat the bananas anyway! I won't win any fights with her after she's born, so I'm determined to win this one.

Because I have started getting leg cramps already. Oh my god, they hurt. Potassium helps avoid that, thus the bananas. I woke up the other night at 2:30 am almost screaming in pain. I couldn't even move my toes. I had to walk around for 20 minutes before I could go back to sleep, and still had residual pain left in the morning. Some things about pregnancy suck!

Ally's hugs make everyone happy.
If Ally does something to make you sad, or is sad herself, she's convinced that hugs will make it better. If I tell her "That's not nice, we don't hit Mommy/ poke Daddy's eye/ kick/ etc" She immediately casts her eyes down and comes over to offer a big hug. Then she looks up at you, smiles, and says "All better. Mommy happy now" So true. Ally's hugs make everyone happy.

take turns
I brought one of Ally's slides in the house the other day so she could play with it. She spent a very long time sliding down and sliding one or the other of her care bears down it. She took one from me and said "it's yellow bear's turn" and slid him down then followed behind. I had to clap and Yay for them both. "It's not pink bear's turn, it's yellow bears turn. Wait pink bear" and so on. Then she'd switch and make yellow bear wait. She's really good at taking turns with the toys when she's playing alone.

Swiper, No swiping! Oh mann...
Ally is convinced that Swiper is going to get her toys. For those of you who don't watch Dora the Explorer 5 hundred times a day, Swiper is a fox that tries to swipe Dora and Boots' stuff. His arrival on the show is always indicated first by a swishing sort of noise. Then you have to find where he's hiding.

Ally is all the time saying "you hear that sound? Oh it's swiper the fox" We now have a standard answer to that. It's "Ally, Swiper is not real, he's only on TV and in books" She even repeats that sometimes, but I'm not real sure she believes us.

I prefer to look on the bright side. We have an imaginative young girl. As opposed to having a selfish paranoid one.

kiss it, please?
Ally got some dinosaurs for Christmas. About 5 inches tall or so. pretty basic. Rob suggested letting her take them to the bath the other day, and she had a fine time, so I let her take them with her last night. She lined them up in a row on the edge of the bathtub.

One fell off into the bathtub and hit her on the way down. You know where. So what does my darling little angel do? She says "Dinosaur hurt Ally. Kiss it momma" Indeed. I struggled for a minute trying to find something to say that would not just confuse her more (She doesn't quite get adult humor yet, you know) and finally settled with: It's not broken. You're okay. Which she accepted and went on with life. But oh the thoughts in my head...

slipping a little further down in the ranks
Since we already know that I'm not in the running for the "Best mom in the universe", I decided that I'd just slip a little father down in the list last night. (In fact, it's so well known that people stop me at Wal-Mart to comment about it. fat bastard grumble grumble) Ally was grumpy and wanted peanut butter for supper. I gave her some crackers, and was getting the giant tub (Rob loves peanut butter) of peanut butter down when she decided that she wanted to do it. So I gave it to her while I got out a butter knife. She took it from me and stuck it in the jar and said "ally do it" So, I let her. She made a PB mess. But she was having a lot of fun playing with knives. That's the important thing right? Yeah, yeah, it was a butter knife. She would have had to try very hard to hurt herself with it. What she did instead, was to try - mostly in vain - to 1) get some on the knife 2) transfer it to the cracker and 3) keep it off her fingers. She gave up occasionally and licked the knife instead.*

I had never before realized what skill it takes to spread PB on a cracker. Twice, she dropped the knife on my freshly mopped floor. nd once she screamed for no apparent reason. When I asked her why, she said "hair in the face" So I moved it, but my hands were wet, because I was doing dishes, and then she had to comment on how now her hair was wet. Picky child. Anyway, she had fun, and managed to eat dinner without hurting herself, or giving me a headache.

* Don't tell Rob about that part. He would throw a fit about the saliva in the PB jar and how saliva breaks down food, blah, blah blah. He made me buy my own jar of PB when I was in the puking phase of pregnancy, so I wouldn't eat from the spoon out of his jar. We'll just let this be our little secret.

Hey, I remembered to SpellCheck both of the entries so far today. Yippee